


Dreaming Companion (James Delaney x Reader)

by bubblyani



Category: Taboo (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2019-11-27 00:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18187703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblyani/pseuds/bubblyani
Summary: To others, James Delaney is a man of mystery. But what happens when his dreams are haunted by an unknown woman who was equally mysterious?





	1. Invader

_“James…“_

A celestial voice, chilling as the mist at dawn, echoed through the trees that surrounded the lake.

This lake, was no unfamiliar place for him, it was a place he visited often, in dreams or reality. 

 _"James…”_   he heard the voice repeat.  

A gust of wind blew right after, commanding the leaves to rustle in the trees, mimicking the sound of the pouring rain. Ripples started forming in the lake, gently clashing against the towering bare bodied figure of James Delaney. The rustle and the ripple was a lullaby that closed his eye-lids, but failed to put him to sleep when bubbles erupted, till finally a figure slowly appeared out of the water, standing before him. 

It was a woman. But who was it?

 Before he could even react, there he was, sitting on the floor with legs crossed and head bent low, in front of the fire at the attic as he did that night. But it was evident ‘that night’ has passed, for hues of pink and purple have merged with the dark blues in the sky. Dawn was breaking. 

  _So it was a dream_ , he thought. 

 James closed his eyes, hoping he’d fall back into this dream. Unfortunately, he remained wide awake. With a deep breath,  he attempted to recall what he had seen. 

 He remembered a voice. It was a voice so mysterious, so seductive, even someone as enigmatic as him found it quite difficult to comprehend.

Eyes, he remembered a pair of eyes. He did not know what color they were, but all he knew were the infinite number of stars he could bear to witness through them.

His eyebrows narrowed further, as if it helped to recall her appearance. The figure was  in-distinctive. Yet he could distinctly recall feelings of desire, longing and curiosity.

It did not take him any effort to convince his mind to dwell on this strange dream, for it repeated the night after. And the night after that, and so on for a week. The more he dreamt, the more certain things came into clarity. 

 On the third night, it even progressed to dialogue. 

 _"They call you the Devil, don’t they?“_ She spoke. Her voice, alluring as he first remembered.

 "Mmmm…It seems that they do, yes” James replied,gazing sharply into her eyes ,“Why? Are you afraid?” he inquired in an intimidating tone. She merely giggled, leaning closer afterwards, playfully questioning in return, 

 _“Why would I be?”_  

She was dangerously close, he could hear her breath quickening. So dangerously close, her lips almost grazed his. Almost. 

 James’ hands surfaced from the lake, droplets of water dripping from it as he pulled them out to touch her. She was just so close, surely impossible to miss. When his fingers could almost taste her skin, the sound of the crackling fire drowned his ears.

And he was awake once more.Another morning has dawned. He rubbed his head in frustration, silently hoping for answers from the remaining spirit that was his mother. 

 James Delaney was indeed a man of secrets.  Incantations of foreign tongue constantly danced across his lips. He was feared by many, enemies he had many. He was a man with the contingency when needed. He was capable of what a normal man could not. 

But for the first time in a long time, James felt as if the dreams that were invaded, were surprisingly his very own.


	2. Blue

Pitch black darkness, pin drop silence. You opened your eyes but there was no visible change. The darkness still remained. As you kept blinking, you hoped you’d see a light, but there was no ray of success. You drew in a breath, but suddenly found your lungs were out of air, you felt suffocated. Attempting to move around, you finally felt your limbs, but only to realize you were floating. As you felt water currents flowing in between your legs and arms, you couldn’t help but question: were you possibly drowning?

 Blinded by darkness, deafened by silence, numbed by suffocation, you clung to your dear life with a silent prayer for release.

Eyes closed tightly, you wished it was just a dream. 

 In a flash, you opened your eyes, managing to draw in a deep breath. You found yourself sat up on the bed, drenched in sweat, hyperventilating.

 “Not again…” you muttered to yourself, rubbing your eyes, tossing to the side, drifting back to sleep, praying it will not continue.

 This ‘nightmare’ didn’t smell strange to you at all. Haunted by this vision for quite sometime was what you have been accustomed to. But that did not mean you necessarily took the pleasure in it.  For no matter how often you’ve experienced this, each time felt as horrid as the very first.

 And to your horror, this became somewhat of a frequent occurrence of late. You cursed the heavens as you faced the darkness once more. You became worried, are you going mad as they all say? As you prepared your heart to endure the worst, suddenly the darkness disappeared.

 A pair of blue eyes occupied your vision completely, staring right back at you.

 Not long after, you were awake.

You returned to consciousness as usual. Only this time, you remained in bed, protected by the most peaceful state of mind. Slowly sitting up, you tried to recall those blue eyes, questioning yourself: Why now?

 That question kept resurfacing when those blue eyes decided to visit you every night since then. On the third consecutive night, you developed a deeper understanding. When you were on the verge of suffocation, ‘Blue’ (as you called them) would be your distraction. They pulled you out of the dark waters, opened your eyes to the light, breathed air into your lungs, and released you from the vision that constantly haunted your mind, dressed up as a nightmare.

 When you woke up, you didn’t want to forget, you wanted to remember.

 More questions kept the nights hectic. You’d wonder to whom did ‘Blue’ belong. Surely it must have been someone of association. And if not, who was it?

‘Blue’ kept you of longer company as the nights went by, enabling you to witness more in it. Those eyes, they spoke to you of pain, loss and vengeance. But they also spoke of immense vulnerability. And you did admit, it did not take long for you to empathize.

To empathize those eyes that saved you, those eyes that moved you, and those eyes that will always guard you in the midst of slumber.

——-

_“Why? Are you afraid?”_

_“Why would I be?”_

                                          ****************************

Another night, and there she was again, at the lake, dangerously close to James Delaney. Like clockwork, James reached out to touch the woman, his mind fully aware of the risk of waking up to broad daylight.

 But tonight, either time has slowed down, or the dream had developed further. For his hungry fingers finally gripped on her shoulders. The grip proved to be intense enough, the woman gasped and proceeded to giggle in amusement. She was impressed. As his fingers moved around, the outline of her figure appeared a bit more distinct. To his surprise, she was nude just as he was. Not a single piece of clothing stood between her skin and his own. She leaned in, moaning softly into his ear when his grip turned hard as steel.

 “Are you…are you real?” James heard himself inquire in desperation.

“ _I am…_ ” pulling back, she eyed him _“…if you want me to be_ ” not leaving an inch of his face unattended.

James swore his eyes were opened wide, yet this face was simply unrecognizable.

“ _I’m here…I’ll always be here_ ” she continued,

 _“…You just need to find me_ ” her ethereal voice rang in his ears.

“ _I know who you are…James Delaney_ ,” she whispered, lips brushing against his, summoning the leaves to rustle frantically.

Frantic rustle turned to frantic crackle of a fire amidst the heavy rain, and James was awake again, to his dismay.

 


	3. Questions

Impatience became your default emotion the moment you felt dusk approach since then. If you weren’t so occupied with anything, you’d even be willing to skip your meals, only so that you could get back into your sleeping position, just to close your eyes.

  _All because of ‘Blue’._

 This behavior was so evident; you managed to arouse suspicion amongst the people of your acquaintance. And so, the questions flooded:

Were you ill? Are you unhappy? 

You’d ignore these inquiries without a single care. Because of your dire need to just get the nightgown over your head, and crawl into your bed.

 Beneath that dire need, was also a feeling you didn’t care to admit, for it seemed ridiculous. The way you discovered butterflies in your stomach apart from your impatience, wasn’t that ridiculous enough? Could you possibly be developing feelings to something you did not know to exist? 

——– _————-_  

James exhaled deeply. The chill and the rustle filled the atmosphere. And there _she_ was again, teasing him so. 

Tonight, the dream decided to unfold even further. 

_“I know who you are James Delaney”_ she spoke. 

 _“I can feel your pain…”_ her voice grew sad _"…I can taste…your need for vengeance…“_ changing to anger, she continued, gently brushing her nose against his stubble cheek.  

 _"Come find me, James”_  her voice was chilling yet hungry, sending shivers down his spine, yet also sparking a desire within. James’ right hand slithered to the back of her neck, surprising her with a firm hold. His fingers automatically interlocked in her long tresses, which were something he just discovered. 

“But how? How will I find you?” James found himself sounding desperate, parched more like. 

For the first time, the eyes he always gazed at finally formed a color, into something human. His own eyes grew wider. The existing outline of her face formed into a smile, 

_“You’ll know"_

James grunted in frustration as her captivating eyes looked down at his lips. 

And in a flash, he pulled her to him, cupping her face, with the desire to do nothing but attack her lips ferociously. And for a moment he was relieved to find, how she was equally responsive. 

Moans infused with sounds of water splashing. Hands moved frantically around each other’s topography, touching, grabbing and clawing with an immense hunger. The two strangers with this new found attraction continued their heated exchange that turned animalistic. Lifting her up, James felt his arms throw her to the shore. Pouncing on her, time sped up to the point he had entered her, ravishing till he could hear nothing but the howling winds, the rustling trees and her screaming out his name in pure pleasure. 

 James threw his head back in complete frustration as he found himself to be awake again in the dead of the night. Fuming with anger, he stood up from the wooden floor, walked across the attic from one corner to the other, till he finally reached the window. With eyes closed, he recalled his kisses on her skin, his nose brushing against her collarbone, holding her in his arms. The sheer thought of tasting her, aroused him enough to feel a sudden growth below his waist. 

 ———- 

 Eyes shot wide open, you stared at the ceiling. You were awake, for Blue had made a visit. Moving to sit up, you suddenly realized how your hands have been tightly holding on to both sides of the bed, along with legs spread wide, underneath the covers.

 Finally sitting up, a burning sensation grew on your cheeks. You felt yourself groan for it was not the only sensation that was made aware. Rocking back and forth, you closed your eyes to feel an awakening between your thighs. Lips parted, you were tempted to moan, but did not want to attract attention.

 Yet, the fire below needed to be put out.

Covering your mouth, you laid down to the side. Pulling up the covers higher, your hand dipped inside it, slowly slithering underneath your nightgown. Your body winced with the lightest touch of your own fingers brush your abdomen, teasing it while moving downward to the place that required the most care. Muffled moans were produced in your palm as the other touched and comforted your fire in circular motions.

And you could not think of nothing else to haunt you during.

Whoever had the ownership of those two blue orbs, held you firmly by the palm of the hand, for your act of fulfillment and pleasure had much meaning because of it. Hence your craving for that owner grew even stronger.  

————- 

_All because of a dream._

Delaney did not require an excuse to visit the lake or it’s vicinity, but this time, he constantly felt the need to question himself.

 Stripped down to his shirt, James began walking to the lake. Ripples formed around his legs each time he took a step in the water. As the water level reached his waist, he moved his arms around, cleansing himself as he slowly dipped his head into the water with eyes closed.

All that he witnessed in his slumber took place in this lake. Surely he would be able to gather any memories he could have possibly forgotten.

 Darkness grew, and there was light. And there he saw himself, plunged in the waters deep:

_This particular day came to mind. A few days since he read Zilpha’s farewell note, James was in mourning. Visiting the lake, he hoped a re-connection with her spirit would have been a possibility. Fueled with longing and nostalgia, he dove deep in the water, yet there was nothing but silence lingering in his head. Slowly opening his eyes, he could see the hues of blue with the rays of light that have sunk into the water. But once the eyes were fully opened, a figure of a woman remained static under water a few feet away from him. Dressed in only her undergarments, the woman with her head held up and eyes closed, remained gracefully still. James wondered, is she dead? Could she have drowned herself? He jumped when she started moving, kicking her feet and swimming to the surface. James followed suit and the moment he reached the surface; she was nowhere to be seen._

Gently bringing his head out the water, James wiped his face, rubbing his eyes.

As much as he felt more informed of his memories, this particular one seemed to have brought more questions than answers.

Who was she?

Was James mad enough to assume she had any association, with the woman in his dreams?


	4. Find me

The memory of the mysterious woman, plunged in the deep waters, kept playing in his mind as James swung his coat over his shoulders. Before he reached for his gloves from the coat pocket, he began to wonder. He wondered whether this person was real, or just another addition to his own madness.

And if she were to be real, whether could she be? Questions lingered in his mind as always. Finally dressed once more, he left the left the lake, heading back to town.

                                                  ————–

“Y/N!”   
You spun around suddenly, smiling at the sight of a familiar face running towards you. 

“Oi Miss! The money?”

The bellowing voice of the butcher made your eyes roll. “For goodness sakes, after all this time…” you said, digging your hand into the cloth pouch, carefully taking out some coins, “…you still think I’d run?” handing it over to him. The butcher smiled teasingly.

 Squeezing out of the packed crowd bargaining over meat, fish and other goods sold near the port, you walked over to Michael Godfrey, who recovered his breath from running.   
  
“Good Morning, shouldn’t you be taking minutes?” you asked with the concerning tone. He laughed while panting.   
“Hah…unfortunately… I am late…today” he panted, allowing you to adjust his bow and straighten his coat.   
“You overslept?” raising eyebrows, you asked, to which he nodded aggressively “Then why?-”   
“I don’t have much time but…will you get me the-?” he paused, aware of an officer pass by. You quickly nodded, placing your hand on his shoulder “Yes, I will” you smiled, seeing him sigh in relief “Now…off will you!”

As he ran off, you shook your head, turning back.

“You will have the meat ready by midday, yes?” you asked the butcher, with a voice loud enough to pierce through the babble of the crowd.

“Aye Miss” 

You took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. Another day in London, with duties and challenges a many. But for some reason you felt more refreshed, you felt alive. Smiling, you prepared oneself emotionally to face them all, hoping it will not be as dreary as the grey clouds that hovered over the morning sky.

“Positively ravishing as always…my darling” that revolting voice made the hairs of your neck stand. Sighing, you turned around unwillingly to the sight of a familiar face, which you dreaded to call ‘familiar’.  
  
“Beldon…” You muttered with no interest.   
“ _Mr.Whitby_ ” the man corrected, his index finger pointed at you, “Mr.Whitby would be more suitable to use for someone of your…” he said eyeing you “…position. I’ve told you this many times Y/N, and yet, you are stubborn as ever”   
“That’s because I tend to give off an unfavorable attitude for those who do _not deserve_ my kindness” you replied, your cold expression untouched.

 The man cackled. Though in his mid 30’s, self-claimed merchant Beldon Whitby gave off an aura that an old, prideful and strangely perverted man could relate to, and which you just could not stand. He always succeeded in making you feel uncomfortable, even in the most comfortable places in London.   
“Such a pity, for you are such an exquisitely exotic being” you held your breath as you felt his gaze wash all over you “…so well versed in our native tongue…for someone so exotic”   
“Shouldn’t you be somewhere more suited to your taste? You asked, feeling the need the literally wash yourself after all that.   
"I could indeed, with all my wealth…but how could I bear to go on without seeing you?” he asked in return, circling you like a hawk “ …if I were to be your master..-”   
“Which will never happen!” you replied in haste.   
“IF…” anger was visible in his tone and in his face, frightening you, “…then I’d reward you well for all the _services_ you could provide me” calming himself once again.   
“Well…unlike you, I am quite occupied. So if you excuse me…” you walked hurriedly away, distancing yourself from him.   
“You will come to me, I’m sure of it” he called out behind you.   
“Fat _bloody_ chance”, you muttered under your breath. Unaware of your surroundings, you accidentally bumped into an old man passing through. Though you did not waste time to apologize, the man angrily spat on the ground.   
“Madwoman” he hissed at you as he walked past.

“Of course”, you nodded without a surprise, as you noticed a similar look of disgust from some of the passerby’s. Being treated as an outcast was what you were always used to. But once in a while, you could not help but feel your heart get heavy, swallowed by the fear of being unaccepted. The reason it happened once in a while was because you concealed it well enough. Before you could concoct yourself a distraction from all this negativity, you were pulled away to the side.

 It was Winter. The sight of her made your eyes shine bright.   
“You’re here just in time…” your voice showed enough gratitude. Winter smiled. Even when she was covered with soot, or worn the dirtiest of clothes, you always found Winter to be quite beautiful. Knowing her since she was a ‘wee lass,’ you loved Winter like she was your younger sister. When she kept you company, you didn’t feel like an outcast in anyway for it was something you both could relate and confide in.   
“Look…” her palm opened to reveal of a few pieces of gold. Looking closer, you smiled biting your lower lip.   
“Who was it this time?” you asked as you held one of the gold teeth. Winter merely shrugged. “Right” you muttered “…and I’m quite sure I wouldn’t know anyway” shrugging along with her. The sight of a dead man washed up on the shore at dawn, was a concept you did not care to consider ‘normal’, but eventually ended up considering it as such, as the years went past.   
“You look different today,” said Winter, eyeing you. As you both walked together, you narrowed your eyebrows, "Really? How so?” suddenly looking down at yourself when you felt her fingers on your cheek.   
“Your face…” she spoke, “ …it glows”   
You were taken by surprise, only to remind yourself of the night before. With blushed cheeks, you cleared your throat, “Whatever do you mean?”. “Liar…” Winter replied merely with a mischievous grin, darkening your blushes even more.   
“No! Don’t dare go there,” you protested, still blushing ”…nothing happened" shaking your head, you began to chuckle.

But before you could finish, your left foot caught between a crack on the road, resulting to you hurtling to the floor. It all happened so quickly, even winter was too late to stop you. As you reached halfway, in a flash, two strong hands caught you by the shoulders.

“Ah…” you chuckled embarrassingly, “My apologies…I can be very clumsy sometimes. Thank you very much kind sir…” you smiled as you looked up to find a man dressed in black. He suddenly appeared to be stunned by your face for a few seconds. You were filled with worry for the man, until you hear him grunt in acknowledgment, releasing you from his hold. You nodded, walking past him.

“Was he mute or did I just scare him off?” you casually asked Winter, who didn’t seem as worried as you were of the man being mentioned.   
“You’ve never met James Delaney, have ya?” she asked. You gasped.

All the stories of the man, the savage, the son of Horace Delaney, who came back from Africa, you were suddenly reminded of them.   
“That was James Delaney?” your eyes widened, “But He didn’t seem so horrid now did he?” you continued “Hang on, you know him?” asking young girl.  Winter nodded, “Normally he is not the man to be alarmed this way…”   
You sighed with concern, “Oh dear, I hope he is alright”.

A few paces later, you froze. Turning your head, you looked over to find the figure had disappeared. For some reason, you were suddenly reminded of Blue, involuntarily wondering whether…then suddenly shaking off such delirious ideas.

 _Surely not him, i don’t even know him._ You thought. 

                                                    ———- 

“Don’t you dare go there…Nothing happened"

Timing was apt, and James’ reflexes were quick, for he managed to save Winter’s friend from a horrible fall.

“…Thank you very much kind sir” the young woman looked up with a bright smile, finally revealing her face.   
James’ eyes widened. Suddenly, his eyes were blinded by visions.

He heard the leaves rustle, the water splash, the intriguing words exchanged by two strangers.   
“Why? Are you afraid?” __  
“Why would i be?”  
He was reminded of that voice which allured and haunted him, the firm grip that incited moans, the grazing of lips. Finally leading to the hungriest of kisses, leading to physical exchanges so wild and passionate.

He saw it all; except it was the clearest he had ever seen.

And for the first time, the woman was visible, down to every detail on her face.

And there she was, saved from a fall, looking at him with much concern.   
James, suddenly aware of his stunned nature, merely grunted. He didn’t move an inch as she walked away, his body frozen, haunted by those words which finally made sense.

“How? How will i find you?”   
_“You’ll know”_


	5. Unexpected Sentiments

You wondered whether a decade of suffering had finally come to past, for you seemed to be more at peace than you ever were before. No more drowning, no sense of misdirection or disorientation. You’d only open your eyes with the mere memory of Blue instead. It has been a few days since you have felt this way, and a part of you was nervous to celebrate or accept whether you were truly free. For it was too good to be true. Though you were alone at night you were not lonely, and feelings have seemingly developed for an invisible entity, which you could not explain. But it was so simple, you were happy. There was nothing to do but smile, for you have immersed yourself in emotions, that felt so warm, and so comforting, just by the mere thought of those blue eyes.  

Quite the chance you finally encountered James Delaney, and in an unexpected manner no doubt. But then, tossing to the side, you wondered: Why would he suddenly come into mind? Yes, you finally met him after all the stories and rumors. But, was he not like any other man in London? Not in a literal context, yet, he did not mean anything. As your kept dwelling on the subject, you tried to picture his face. Perhaps it was the lack of light or just the first time, for imagining him seemed difficult and unclear. Planting a seed of great curiosity, the desire to see him again lingered, in a secret corner of your heart. 

——————————————————————————————–

Meanwhile, James was lost in thought. Staring into the distance, he sat comfortably on the window; for he was awaken once again by the dream. Except tonight, he savored each second of it. The vision in its entirety suddenly appeared to be filled with clarity, especially when it came to The Woman. The way she appeared from the water, the way she laughed and teased, he was more observant of her than ever. And when her seduction was at play, he welcomed it with open arms. Playing along, words exchanged were no different, yet his emotions felt more in control. The correspondence of her clear expressions to her voice made it seem more real to him. Letting out a deep breath, James did not spare his pleasure as he reimagined her lips as she spoke, her lips being kissed, her lips forming moans by his touch and his taste. 

Fueled by deep curiosity and arousal, which seemed unavoidable, James Delaney was certain this woman would drive him to the point of insanity, if she remained such a mystery. Especially when she seemed so reachable, yet unreachable at the same time.

——————————————————————————————–

In the midst of bells ringing, the sea gulls crying, and the chatter of the townsfolk, you found yourself walking to another rhythm, and you secretly enjoyed doing so, as if music might play out somewhere and surprise you.

Another day, another morning, and there you were, off to purchase much needed supplies, as requested by your master. Walking by the docks, you were suddenly reminded of the Delaney Trading Company, at the Wapping docks. You clearly remembered how Helga von Hinten had to move her brothel out from there, and how she cursed the son of Horace Delaney as she did so. Walking through the alleyway, you secretly hoped you could pass by the area, catching a glance of the man himself. Maybe even stop by to thank him again, for saving you from a fall that would have ended horribly.

Sudden excitement bubbled up inside, something that you certainly did not expect. The excitement grew stronger as you got closer.

“James Delaney!”

You froze. It was Beldon’s voice.

“Beldon Whitby…” he spoke in confidence, “Perhaps you might remember-”

“I am sorry…” James’ voice cut him off. “… But I do not”

You silently snickered. Anyone who dared to talk back to Beldon was indeed a friend of yours. As you slowly tiptoed, leaning against the wooden wall, you secretly listened in to the conversation. But at the same time you wondered, what on earth would he want from James?

Clearing his throat from embarrassment, you heard Beldon continue,

“Well…As you come to know of me, you will be aware of the status that I maintain, and of the certain connections I have, that prove to be quite helpful, when one is in need to _dispose-_ ” 

"Kindly spare me the speech, pray tell me what is that you wish to say?” James replied, certainly with nothing to lose.

You rooted for Delaney without the slightest hesitation. His straightforward nature and unwillingness to waste time with people like Beldon was something you could relate to. He certainly was the one no wise man would dare go against. But you felt a sick feeling in your stomach, as if trouble was at foot.

You clutched your chest to find Winter appear out of nowhere, “Why are you here?” she mouthed. Sighing out of relief, you looked at her “I need your help” you mouthed back, bending down to whisper something to her. Nodding, she ran off. You continued to listen.

“Mr.Delaney…it is perhaps _wise_ if you were to stay away from innocent civilians. The rumors do not exactly put you in a good light. And certain people might easily fall under your influence. A certain _woman_ …to be precise”

You did not hear any reply from James other than the sound of the door being opened, possibly the door of the Trading Company.

Beldon scoffed, "Do not fool me with your look of ignorance.” His voice grew angry, “I saw your interaction with her, yesterday morning of the latest”  

Again you shared the silence with Delaney, except you began to worry of the trouble you might have brought upon him in the form of Beldon Whitby.

Undefeated, Beldon continued, “You might have had _your way_ with the exotic whilst in Africa, but here-”

“Master Whitby! You’ve been robbed!!! You’ve been robbed!!!”

The cries of a small boy caused Beldon to panic. “Good gracious…stop! Wait!” dropping his hat by accident, you watched him run for his life after the boy who you identified as one of Winter’s little partners in crime.

Hurrying over, you stopped to find James standing in front of the entrance, surprised by your sudden appearance.  “Uh…Hello” you smiled nervously.

“Ah! My Hat…wait Boy! I’ve dropped my hat” you heard Beldon’s voice from a distance.

A sudden rush of adrenaline overcame you. Indeed you did not know the reasons for your actions, but you followed your initial response, grabbing James by the hand and quickly leading him into the building. Pulling him in,  you pushed him against the nearest wall you could find, in a desperate attempt to hide from Beldon.

The intensity of your push caused his top hat to slip off his head. But in a flash, your hands shot up to hold it in its place. You heard the sounds of Beldon’s footsteps as he picked his hat. “James Delaney?” he called out, you closed your eyes in fear as the footsteps grew louder. Peeping through the small opening of the door, Beldon did not waste time to enter the dark building. 

"Bloody savage” he muttered to himself. You were filled with relief as you heard his footsteps fading away. 

It took you a few seconds to realize how close you were to James. As your chest lightly brushed up against his, the proximity of your faces equally did not disappoint. Standing so close and upright, you could feel each other’s warm breath. You blushed once you noticed how he watched you with much curiosity. Looking down shyly, you tried to act unfazed.

James could not help but be amused by the woman standing in front of him. This was definitely not a scenario he was a stranger to. For a moment he found it fascinating how The Woman in his dreams, seemed to be more daring and brave. While the one standing in front of him, seemed to be slightly demure, and more controlled. Nevertheless, a part of him felt pleasantly surprised to see her again.

Releasing your hands from his now securely place hat, you leaning over to peep through the door.  

“Do you not think it’d be wiser, to not hide the exact place that I was found?”

You jumped as James suddenly spoke. He was right, your plan was quite a risky one.

“Well…” you tried to gather your thoughts, “To be quite frank, I’m quite relieved to have done some thinking instead of nothing at all” you replied, while you both came out. James looked at you with much focus; your hair was in a low bun, dressed in a humble manner. Much like the dream, you still seemed quite mysterious.

“What do they call you?” He asked.

“Y/N” You answered, looking right back at him, as you studied his face in the light. He was handsome, you admitted. For a second you felt guilty, and you felt conflicted because you didn’t know why.

“Ms.Y/N…” James began, “ Why did you feel the need to help me?”

Rubbing your neck, you said, “If I were to speak the truth, I …do not know…why”, taking a deep breath, you continued, “ A man like you need not worry of your own safety, but…” you paused, “…all I felt, was this need…to help you, in any way that I could” as you finished, your lips formed into a smile, “In any case…It is a pleasure to meet you Mr.Delaney”

James nodded, “A pleasure indeed Ms. Y/N”

Nodding in return, you watched him enter the building.

Slight warmth spread through your veins, receiving that sort of a response from him, certainly seemed to lift your spirits. Smiling to yourself, you spun around cheerfully, off to resume your errands as you initially planned to. 

You strode past the brick walls of the alleyway, unaware of Beldon watching you silently from a few feet away, his eyes flaming with anger.

——————————————————————————————–

You were quite grateful of the help Winter and her friend could offer this morning. And you wanted to give something in return when you met that evening.

“I wish I could get more…but this was all Master Farley would spare me”, you said to her, handing over a huge load of bread wrapped in paper. “Thank you for today” you extended your arms as Winter hugged you with glee.

“You seem to be quite caring of James…aren’t you?” she replied, with a grin on her face. You chuckled, “Well it seems like it, and I don’t know why”

“He is not a monster as they say”

“I think I’m going to agree with you”

——————————————————————————————–

 It was a late foggy evening. Wrapping the shawl around your shoulders, all you longed for, was to quickly head back to the sleeping quarters.

Passing by the Wapping docks, sounds of grunting, groaning and panting caught your ears and stopped you in your tracks. Probably a fight or something else you dare not be a part of. But as you resumed to walk, you felt your heart stop. A sense of concern washed over you. Looking over your shoulder, you wondered whether anyone you knew was facing danger.

Slowly approaching the corner of the alleyway, you looked over. Eyes widened, you covered your mouth in shock. James Delaney was on the floor, his hand pressed on the side of his abdomen, you were sure it was to stop the bleeding. Another man stood in front, stumbling towards him. He seemed to be injured as well, except he had a peculiar knife in his hand.

Shaking in fear, you looked around for a solution.

——————————————————————————————–

Groaning in pain, James looked up to his attacker. A bottle or two of brandy in his system did not help him with reflexes, as he was stealthily hit on the head, followed by a stab in the abdomen. But he managed to defend himself enough to put the attacker in distress. It just did not succeed enough, for the attacker got up, stumbling up to him with his knife raised up high.

Eyes slightly closed, James wondered whether this was how he would finally meet his maker. Drunk, in mourning, unaware of the reality and the illusions, stabbed in the alleyway, even before any of his plans were put into action.

Suddenly, with the hard thud, the attacker cried in pain, holding his head. Another thud, another hit on the head, leaving the man on the floor unconscious.

A woman’s voice echoed in James’ ears, her initial words seemed so unclear.

“ _James_ ” the mystical voice he was ever so familiar with, came to haunt him out of the blue. He opened his eyes. It was You.

——————————————————————————————–

As the man fell down with a thud, you threw the bloody rock away, rushing over to James.

“Mr.Delaney” you cried out, “Wake up…please…”

Lifting his hand up, you gasped to see the huge wound on his abdomen. You quickly tore a piece of cotton from the hem of your skirt with great force, as you attempted to wrap it around his stomach.

“James…” you felt so overwhelmed with emotion, which was a mixture of shock, fear, worry and finally grief. You were conflicted, but for the moment you let everything go. Voice shaking, you suddenly broke into sobs. Tears came trickling down your face instantly, dropping down on James’s forehead. He opened his eyes slightly. You sighed in relief.

——————————————————————————————–

Brace strode down the hall angrily, as thundering knocks disrupted his quiet evening at the Delaney household.

“Didn’t you take the key as I ask yer to?” he barked, opening the door,

“My God…” he breathed, seeing you stand there, holding an unconscious James Delaney by the waist, with his arm around your shoulder.

“Please…” you were shaking with sobs, “…help”


	6. Nightingale

Everything had to be done quickly, for time was the important factor, in order to keep James Delaney alive. Luckily, your bindings over his stab wound had stopped the bleeding, and Brace managed to disinfect and tend to his wound on time.

You watched, as James lay flat on the settee unconscious, yet stitched up and safe. 

“Well…I have to be thankful for ye…if it weren’t for you, he would have been left for dead, I’m sure” Brace said, as he wiped the blood off his hands with a clean cloth.

“No…I’m just glad I was there on time” you replied, arms crossed as you watched James with concern. Brace got up to see your worried face, “Ah…Don’t worry lass, the man is strong…he will be fine”.

 “Would you mind terribly if I stay by his side tonight?” you found yourself inquiring, looking at Brace. Surprised he was indeed, and you didn’t blame him. A mere stranger was all that you were to him, and he was not aware of the encounter you had with James.

“I just…am concerned…that is all” your voice sounded tired and throaty. And once again, you felt your eyes get wet, with a single tear trickling down your cheek.

 “Are you alright lass…or have you never seen a man get hurt before?” Brace inquired, picking up the remnants of the tools and pieces of cloth on the bowl.  You chuckled, wiping your cheek, “No no…I…I don’t know” shrugging one’s shoulders, you replied, which was the honest truth. Your genuine concern did not go unnoticed, for Brace patted you on the shoulder, “I’ll prepare a bed for you-“

“Oh no! It’s fine…I’ll stay here” you said, “It is really alright” you insisted as he was about to protest, “Thank you Mr.?”

“Brace” he cleared his throat, you smiled.   
“I’m Y/N…Thank you Mr. Brace” you replied politely.

———————————————–

Sitting on the floor, you watched James sleep. With your chin resting on your palm, you sighed recalling all what happened, trying to tie in the loose ends of confusion that overcame you tonight.

You never cared for violence, but imagining yourself striking someone with that much force, was something unimaginable. You shook your head in disbelief. But you did, and you did it for _him_. And, for a slight moment, you did not care for the consequence of your actions. For a slight moment, the thought of watching this man lose his life frightened you greatly.

 But you also questioned yourself, why? You’ve only had one proper encounter with him, so why all this? Why were you so tempted to rescue him this morning, and why were you desperate to do the same tonight?

  You crawled closer to the settee, and sat back, watching the outline and the features of his face. For someone who was feared by many, James Delaney appeared at his most innocent state whilst sleeping. And that mere sight just warmed your heart.

Kneeling up, you carefully leaned over, pressing your lips on his cheek, with a kiss that was the softest you have ever planted. For a second you wished for more. But you were grateful enough for just the one.  

 The last time you ventured on an emotional journey this complicated, was quite a while back, the mere thought of it made you wonder, were you actually starting to care for this man?

———————————————–

Deep in his slumber, the trees rustled in the wind, and there was James, dreaming, anticipating the visit of The Woman. There she appeared, and when he expected everything to be played out as usual, she seemed quite…different.

 _“You’re hurt”_ her face had turned somber, her celestial voice laced with sadness. James felt the dream to be even more foreign when he saw a tear drop down her ethereal face.

  _“James…”_

Her hand floated out to caress his face, moving closer to him. To his surprise she leaned in, softly kissing his cheek. Her lips felt soft, her lips felt warm. Closing his eyes savor this feeling, he opened his eyes, ceasing the vision. Tonight it did feel quite different.

 Turning his head to the side, he looked over to find you asleep beside him, with your head resting on your palm, and elbow on the edge of the settee. What a coincidence it was, how you also stirred awake from your slumber, getting up with half closed eyes, walking over to the free armchair.

Watching you drift off to sleep, James also found himself dozing off from tiredness.

## ———————————————–

The sound of footsteps descending the staircase, informed Brace that his master has finally woken up.

“You’re alive…”, he called out, turning to see James stumbling into the kitchen. Grabbing the bottle of brandy from the table, James took a swig, wiping his mouth to ask the one question that lingered in his mind that morning.

 “Where is she?”

“You mean (Y/N)? She left early, said she didn’t want to be anymore of a nuisance to you” Brace replied, walking over to help James undo the bindings from last night, “Which man did you anger this time? Was it Stuart Strange?”

“No…” James groaned in pain, pressing a piece of cloth dipped in alcohol on his wound, “…they could not kill me before, now they are wise enough to keep me alive…No…this some someone else.“ he closed his eyes,” Someone else wanted me dead. And I’m quite sure (Y/N) feels she’s responsible for that”

“Well…” Brace inquired, “ Is she?” as he proceeded to make some tea.

“No” James’ answer was quick and certain, recalling her tears of concern, followed by her silent company throughout the night. Somehow he believed she would not cause him any harm. Could it be the sentimental influence caused by his dreams?  

 Sitting down, James wondered if his heart had started to carve out a space for this woman he had just met.

———————————————–

Amidst the sounds of scrubbing on the floor, your mind was elsewhere.

“I was about to send someone to search for you”

William Farley’s voice suddenly made presence, waking you from your wandering thoughts, you looked up to find him standing in front of you.

 “Were you in trouble?” he asked calmly, concern concealed within. You shook your head, as you kept scrubbing. “A friend of mine…was injured. Did not realize a whole night would pass when I tended to him…” you stopped scrubbing, “ I’m sorry if I caused you any worry” your voice hinted of guilt.

“If you were safe, that is fine with me” he replied, his grey curls shining in the ray of sunlight coming through the window, “…would not want to lose my best worker…though this job is not exactly _conventional_ ” he chuckled. You laughed along, watching him walk around to supervise the room.

Being employed at a Molly House in London surely was not anything conventional. Though _you_ did not sell your body, you were able to contribute with hard labor. Scrubbing, cleaning, washing and even assisting in the kitchen when necessary, in other words, working behind the curtain was your job. And regardless of what people thought of your place of employment, for you it was _employment_ , and you did not want to care of other’s opinions.

 Master Farley, the owner of this establishment was a strict man, but your hardworking ethic and good nature helped you earn his well-deserved respect.

 “Well…I hope those vocal chords of yours haven’t caught anything harsh…” Farley said, as you got up to pick up the water bucket “I need you up there tomorrow night” Putting the bucket down, your eyes shone bright with glee.

———————————————–

 “Oh, how blessed the ears of all will be, to hear your voice tonight” Michael Godfrey spoke with a hint of dramatization, then breaking into laughter.  

“Oh…do shut up” you teased, “and hold still…” you ordered as you held his chin, applying red on his lips for the final touch. He chuckled, as he spoke,“ But in all seriousness, I’m glad to have you here tonight, I always feel better with you around”

You pat his cheek, as you straightened up to look at the mirror, “If only I was asked to appear every night,” you sighed.

When the sunlight disappeared and only dimmed hues of the candles lit the rooms in the city, business of pleasure was carried out as usual. Be it the taverns, the brothels and even the Molly House.

Among the drunks of the liquor and the forbidden pleasure, and those who hunger for all the coins willing pockets could offer, James Delaney passed through them all. Upon his arrival, Godfrey knew it was time, refusing an invitation from a potential customer as he walked into his private chambers whilst Delaney followed.

———————————————–

“You’re mad James…to go against them like this…” Godfrey said, looking at James as they sat beside each other on the bed.

“And I told you before…I will protect you…” James replied, as he stood up to leave. The hand was raised once more today at the meetings, and that meant handful of information that would be helpful to Mr.Delaney.

As James stepped out of the chamber, the racket outside started to grow quiet, when he heard a voice call out, “And now the Time is nigh…”

“-for the Nightingale…” Godfrey chuckled, finishing the line softly as he stood next to James, watching a figure appear among the musicians.

As the male musicians lightly strummed their instruments dressed in gowns, you appeared, dressed in male attire, completed with breeches and a waistcoat and jacket, adorning a fully white painted face that seemed almost unrecognizable. But James managed to identify, and to be in disbelief to find you there, of all places in London. Clearing your throat in time, you began to sing:

 _“As I was a walking down in Stokes Bay_  
I met a drowned sailor on the beach as he lay  
And as I drew nigh him, it put me to a stand.,  
When I knew it was my own true Love  
By the marks on his hand.” 

You sang with much fervor and feeling, with a voice so clear and melodic, bouncing off the thickest of walls. Godfrey looked over to James, who stood there frozen, his eyes on you and you alone.

 “ _As he was a sailing from his own dear shore_  
Where the waves and the billows so loudly do roar,  
I said to my true Love, I shall see you no more  
So farewell, my dearest, you’re the lad I adore. **  
  
**She put her arms around him, saying O! My dear!  
She wept and she kiss’d him ten thousand times o'er.  
O I am contented to lie by thy side.  
And in a few moments, this lover she died.”

James had gotten quite skilled in keeping his sentiments in control. Yet tonight, he could not help but recall all those he cared for, and those he lost. All of this, merely triggered by melodic lines you emoted, as you continued to sing.

 **_“_** _And all in the churchyard these two were laid,_  
And a stone for remembrance was laid on her grave,  
My joys are all ended, my pleasures are fled,  
This grave that I lie in is my new married bed.” 

A lump was caught in your throat, as you kept your voice steady enough to finish the song. Could it be that the crowd was engulfed in the emotions as you were, for there was pin drop silence in the room, as every single pair of eyes watched you.

 “Bloody fucking hell! This is all too miserable!”

A customer who had a little too much of brandy, cried out from the corner, shaking the others awake from their silence. The crowd started buzzing once more, and for a moment you wondered if “The Drowned Lover”, the choice of song was to be regretted, you felt embarrassed.  “Uh…something whimsical will soon follow my dear gentlemen” the musician replied.

With his eyes still on you, James watched as you hurriedly stepped away, squeezing into the crowd. A restless feeling grew in him when he couldn’t trace you.

  _“James…”_

The celestial voice rang in his ears out of the blue, before he could question the reason for this phenomenon, the crowd parted slightly, pinpointing to Beldon Whitby following you. 

———————————————–

 “Quite a moving performance…”, Beldon’s voice behind you was apt enough for you to grit your teeth in frustration. Embarrassment ruled over you already, and another source of fuel to your horrid mood was indeed the last thing you needed. You wished to be nowhere else but in your bed, dreaming away of your safe haven. “Quite a waste, given the fact _no one_ will remember you after a night of intoxication” Beldon did not stop following, even was you did not stop to face him.

Standing in front of the nearest table you could find, you poured yourself a cup of wine, gulping it down with no hesitation. “Yes…that’s it, drink your sorrows away my darling…” Beldon drawled to the point it made your skin crawl “…while I take my sweet time…” he continued, with his hand moving in hopes of groping, “…to savor your sweet-”

 “It is in your best interest…to _leave her alone_ ”

You spun around to find James appear next to you, holding Beldon’s hand with a grip hard as iron. Crying in pain, Beldon looked into Delaney’s deadly stare, causing his own eyes to grow wide in fear. As if he saw a ghost.

“How? You’re alive…” those words escaped his lips so quickly. Hence it was now clear as day, as to who was behind the attack that night. Even with his gaze so deadly, you still managed to find safety in James Delaney.

 And for someone who seemed haughty, confident and predatory, Beldon suddenly turned panicky and speechless, backing away as if he just touched fire, bumping into people along the way.

“Thank you…” you sighed, as James kept his gaze on Mr.Whitby till he disappeared. Pouring him a cup, you said, “Surprised to find you here”

“I should say the same to you” James replied, as you handed it to him. You held on to your own cup tightly. “Did not think you favored men” you said, quite afraid to know the answer.

“Did not think you worked here” again, he replied back in kind. You chuckled effortlessly. _Touché,_ you thought, sipping on the wine. And for a slight moment you swore James’ mouth curved into a small smile.

“I am not a _whore_ …. if you must know” you began, “…even a place like this needs maids…servants…or helpers” James watched you take another sip, “…the only way I will hurt my back is by bending down to scrub or wash, instead of getting fucked…. pardon my language!” you covered your mouth in embarrassment. The wine certainly made you bolder. James’ expression was difficult to read, for he merely grunted in response. Both of you stood in the corner of the room, watching and observing the others, lost in their varied acts of pleasure.

“I like singing…” you continued, seemingly enjoying his company, “…I like to think I have some capability”.

“You have….” James replied instantly, looking at you, “ You sang it, as if you experienced it” You smiled, but James found it easy to tell it was merely concealment. “Once in a while, I am asked to make a public appearance…”

“…as the Nightingale” James muttered, you nodded in acknowledgement.

“ But if I must speak frankly…” you said, indulging in more wine, “I would rather they call me a ghost instead” As you finished the cup, you turned to refill. “…With a face painted white as snow, surely no man of status or nobility would be repulsed or offended by someone like me, with my _lowly complexion_ ”

 Drunk was what you were, for it was no surprise of you to ramble on as such.  For a slight moment you were not aware how James watched you, or how he casually dipped his fingers in his drink.

“Beldon was right…No one will ever remember me after al-”

You paused when James stood right in front of you, his fingers grazing your left cheek. The eye contact made between the two was furious. The alcohol in his fingers managed to wipe off the face paint wherever it touched, moving his fingers down to your lips, brushing his thumb on top of them, giving you chills down your spine. Your heartbeat increased, and for a moment you swore there was a hint of blue in his eyes.

  As his fingers parted from your face, James spoke in a voice that did not fail to enchant you:

“Never…hide…who you are”

You stood there, with your true complexion that was sun kissed and exposed. Surely it appeared quite messy. But at that moment, you felt seen, you felt accepted, you even felt beautiful. For the first time in a long time, you felt at ease with yourself resulting in warm tears pooling around your eyes.

 “Go to bed Y/N” James said, you nodded, watching him leave the room. Wiping the wetness in your eyes, you sniffed silently, with a deep sigh of relief.

That night, your hand continued to rest on your left cheek while you slept, and there was not a trace of shame in that.


	7. Home

Atticus was under James Delaney’s payroll as his informant, but an unannounced visit from Mr. Delaney that morning was anything but expected. And all his doubts were cleared as soon as Delaney spoke:

“I need information about someone…” he said, as he pulled out some coins. Atticus chuckled, "And Good Morning to you too James" 

———————————————–

You smiled to yourself as you allowed your fingers to softly brush against your left cheek, whilst gazing at one’s own reflection in the mirror.

“What are you smiling about?” Godfrey asked cheekily, standing next to you. You shook your head, “Nothing…” you replied, still smiling.

Once when time permitted, you and Michael Godfrey would engage in candid conversations before heading to bed. 

“You left quite early last night…” he said, while he watched you sit on his bed, and started to comb your loose hair. 

You sighed, “Unfortunately resorting to wine was the only option I had, since that wretched man was present”, you said, rubbing your temples. Godfrey placed himself next to you. He knew that only one man in London deserved that term coming out of your lips. 

"I heard Mr.Whitby have been making unofficial  _donations_ to Mr. Farley, in fact、I’ve seen him here almost every night since recent. He won‘t touch anyone, just sits there…“ you looked at him, ”…possibly waiting for you". 

Frustration lead you to roll your eyes, “Argh…clearly he has not failed to constantly get…on…my… nerves” you emphasized each word as you attempted to untangle a knot in your hair, “It is quite certain he has an unhealthy obsession with you Y/N. Do be careful” Godfrey warned. You nodded in acknowledgement. "I would have surely been in trouble that night, if it weren’t for a  _savior_ “ You found it quite difficult to suppress a smile by the thought of him.  

"I saw him with you…James Delaney” Godfrey said, you turned your head in a flash. 

“You did? Do you know him?” your voice hinted excitement and curiosity. Michael Godfrey trusted you well enough and treasured your friendship all these years, so it did not seem so difficult for him to share this as well.  You listened with much intent, as he spoke about how he came to know James, their time at the seminary. And he even did not hesitate to chuckle, as his voice got soft, mentioning his secret feelings for him. Aware of how brave he was to admit that to you, you held his hand tightly, touched by his admission. But also, a part of you suddenly wished if you ever had that much of a history with Delaney himself. 

 The atmosphere grew tense when he explained how James was taking what could be the biggest risk, by going against the East India Company, quite possibly the Crown, thus the danger he could be in. Suddenly a layer of concern formed in the core of your heart.

 “Promise me you will never speak of this to anyone” Godfrey begged, holding both your hands. Your eyes widened, “Never…I would never” shaking your head furiously, “ Besides, they did nothing but take everything away from me” you replied, losing yourself in thought, suddenly reminded of a loss from long ago, which seemed difficult to erase. Hence, more losses were something you did not dare to risk. 

“I’m alright…really I’m fine” you said, patting Godfrey on his back as he held you in a tight embrace of comfort. 

———————————————–

“Don’t understand the curiosity you have for this woman…is she someone…” Atticus asked, while he imitated slitting the throat “…to be  _taken_ care of?” He asked. "No” James answered promptly, as they sat across each other at his shop.

“Well good …cause she is actually not a bad egg, to be fair” Atticus confirmed his opinion, whilst opening his book. Putting on his glasses, he cleared his throat as he began: 

“This  _Y/N_ , some say she got here on a ship from East India…or wherever nearby there. Her origin seems to be unknown. I myself have seen her around for the last 10 years or so but nothing was known before that. Quite tight lipped about her past, looks like. No mention of family, possibly adopted, apparently she was to be married…” He received a sharp look from James. “But then her intended was killed by _unknown circumstances_ ” 

For a slight moment, the image of you being courted and showered with affection by a man, disturbed James greatly. “Quite a particular lass she is, those who know her well enough, find her to be quite emotional, yet headstrong in her opinions for a woman. Those who don’t seemed quite intimidated or repulsed, calling her a “Madwoman” and such. But one thing all could agree on, was what a fucking mystery she is. It’s like…” Atticus paused, “she has a secret past.“

“ _James”_

———————————————–

Pleasant feelings were never what you had for the East India Company. And today as you caught a glimpse of the building in front of you, the discussion with Godfrey re-surfaced in your mind. 

Suddenly, you were startled as Godfrey dashed out the building, surprised to find you there. Timing couldn’t have been perfect, was something you would have said, inciting a laugh from him, if you were not out in public. Revealing your association with him to his colleagues would cause his reputation great harm. Therefore you just stood there, hoping he’d react appropriately.  And the mild mannered Godfrey certainly did. 

“What are you looking at… you Mad woman?” He attempted to shout at you, grabbing you by the arm and dragging you to the pavement. Lastly, tugging you with much force.

“I need your help Y/N…” he whispered in desperation, “I need you to find James, and give him this…” he said, tactfully tucking in a folded piece of paper in your apron pocket, “I can’t leave…people will find it suspicious, it’s important James gets this message” 

You nodded frantically, “I understand…go back inside…be safe Michael” you muttered under your breath. Pulling off, you ran. And while you ran your worry came in heaps and bounds, could James be in imminent danger? And will you be on time to stir him away from it?

You found yourself by the docks, spinning around, wondering where to look for him. Panic caused your heartbeat to increase, and suddenly for some reason, you walked over to the shop owned by Atticus. And your instincts proved to be accurate, when you found him sitting with Atticus. You slowly walked over to them, panting, about to call his name.

 It must have been telepathy, for to your surprise, he suddenly turned to you, as if he already heard you. “Speak of the Devil” Atticus chuckled, moving to resume his work. James stood up alongside him as you quickly handed him the piece of paper. 

 “It’s from Godfrey, from a few minutes ago” you said, hiding your concern with great effort. You watched him read the note, eyes turning dark thereafter. 

“Were you being followed,?” He asked, putting the note in his coat pocket. You opened your mouth to answer, pausing soon after.

“I-I don’t know” you shook your head. Truthfully you did not have time to think that over. You couldn’t think of anything else, when James suddenly walked over to you,

“Be careful” he said, as he passed you by, leaving the premises. 

Those words uttered by him felt like warm sunlight that shone on you on a cold morning.   

———————————————–

Running your hand through the bottles of wine, rum and brandy, clearly you lingered too long in the storage room. Perhaps the fact your head mindlessly went over each word James has spoken to you was to blame. Though he was never seen as the best of men, you had nothing but good to remember him by. And you finally started to admit of that soft spot you had for him. But enough pondering, Master Farley sent you here to get some liquor for the customers. Tonight you did not sing, but helped out with much needed supplies instead. 

 “Pity we didn’t get the pleasure to listen to you tonight!” 

Beldon stood by the door, contrary to his words, he did not sound so upset.

Taking in deep breaths, you faced him, with two bottles in hand. You knew talking back to this man will not do you any good. Thus, a silent approach was decided. By moving forward aggressively, you hoped he would step away to let you pass. Instead, he stepped forward, blocking your way even further. Pressing your lips tighter, you kept silent while he tilted his head, glaring at you. 

“What’s the matter Y/N? Am I not good enough anymore?” he reeked of alcohol, you could tell. _I never said you were_ , you thought. He was not worth the argument. Silence was maintained and the grip on the bottles tightened. 

“It’s because of that _damned_  Delaney is it not?” he spat, “What is it? You prefer a savage like him then? Comes as no surprise from a savage like yourself-”

 You’ve had enough, as you ducked past him and quickly headed to the door, to escape this drunk of a disaster.  But to your horror, you felt strong pain when Beldo grabbed you by the ponytail, pulling you back forcefully. You yelped, the bottles slipping from your hands, ending up shattering on the ground. 

“Now look what you did, you _fucking savage_!” Beldon’s voice sounded menacing, and the you were met with a huge slap across your face, forcing you to fall on the floor. Your face stung and pain shot through your head as you felt him kick you in the stomach, weakening you. Before you knew it, your hands were pinned to the ground above your head, as Beldon got on top, his weight crushing you. 

“You’re nothing but a savage…only meant to be  _fucking used_ …” between your ragged breathing and cries of pain, you heard Beldon speak, purposely rubbing himself on your thigh, moving closer to kiss you. 

 You turned away, you felt disgusted you were surely in hell, but you were not ready to give up. The moment you felt your legs were free to move, you caught him off as you kneed him on the groin. Beldon cried out in pain, falling on his back while you quickly got up, freed from his grasp. 

 “What on earth is going on?”

You stood there disheveled to see Master Farley call out. You opened your mouth to explain. 

“You maid…your  _good for nothing_ servant is a THIEF!” interrupting you, Beldon cried out as he slowly got up, limping, “I found her here as she was about to rob a few bottles…” 

Your jaw dropped, appalled by what you just heard, as he continued to weave all these lies in front of her. 

“But master I-”

“Oh! Save your explanations…” Beldon shut you up, “When I tried to talk some sense in to her, like a good customer would, she chose violence as her option, thus…ah! Putting me in this position…”

“Surely there must be a reason for her to act this way” Farley spoke firmly but concerned, while looking at you. You had no other power, except to prove your  innocence with your eyes alone. 

“You’re a wise man Farley…you wouldn’t want to keep a criminal that would harm your business now would you?” Beldon snarled, “I’ll see myself out…” 

As soon as he limped his way out the room, Farley closed the door behind him, turning his attention to you. 

“Master…all that he said, they were  _all lies_ …he had been trying to pursue me for weeks now, and it got out of hand tonight. He _forced himself_ on me” your voice shook as you spoke, “I had to defend myself, I had no choice, he was violent-”

“ENOUGH!” Farley shouted. The anger in his face slowly changed to sadness, lowering his voice as he walked towards you. “I do not condone what he did to you, but you _attacking_ him was not the best choice-”

“But that is not fair…I was about to _be raped_ ” you cried in protest. 

“Well it is not like you have a choice now, do you?” when those words escaped his lips, you gasped. 

“Beldon Whitby is a powerful man, and your word against his is simply moot. One bad word from him and this place will go down, and who knows might talk and get us in trouble?” 

You stood there, frozen and heartbroken. You were speechless. You could tell how conflicted Farley himself was as well. 

“You’ve always been a hard worker Y/N…and I’ve almost considered you as my own kin. But…I cant protect you from this…” 

“W-what do you mean?” you breathed, shaking. All this felt like a dream. You badly wished it was a nightmare. 

“I’m sorry Y/N” Farley replied, taking in a deep breath, “ I have to let you go…” with a weary tone laced with sadness. Your heart suddenly felt heavier than before, and you felt hollow as a shell.  

“No no no…you can’t do this Master Farley…Please” you pleaded, bringing your hands together, as your head shook in disbelief. 

“I’m sorry Y/N, it’s out of my power” Farley insisted, unable to look back at you. 

Covering your face, you sighed heavily, trying to compose oneself. You were dying to cry. But for some reason you could not. Farely was surprised when he saw you bent down to the floor, reaching for the broken bottles. 

Farley sighed, “Y/N! Its alright, you don’t have to-“

“Please…” you muttered, without looking up, “I’ll get my belongings and leave soon…just …let me clean something up for the last time”.

“Of course…” he replied softly, leaving you to yourself. The moment he left, you stared at the shattered mess, which reflected back all that you have just lost. Picking up each piece, you remembered all the joyous memories here filled with an equivalent of familial love. The bitter reality of all that slipping from your fingers, suddenly dawned on you. Finally your eyes managed to water, and you proceeded to clean up as you broke into sobs. Though you managed to pick up the pieces of broken glass, you were certain you couldn’t even pick out the pieces of your broken heart, for the damage so far was great enough. 

———————————————–

“Y/N! Wait…Y/N!”

You halted, the scars in your heart seemed to have dug deeper when you heard Michael Godfrey calling out to you from the entrance. Giving in, you suddenly turned around, ran into an embrace, holding him with much heart, burying your face in his exposed collarbone.  

 “Oh! Y/N…how could Farley do this to you?” His voice dipped in emotion as he held you tightly “What will you do now?” he asked. You merely shrugged. 

“I don’t know…somewhere where I could survive…Oh! Sweet Michael, don’t you dare cry…I’m afraid I will cry again…” you begged, hugging him. And once more, you both cried together in silence, for there will not be any more conversations tonight. 

As you walked further away from the place you’ve called home for years, a part of you began to die out. Now would have been the accurate moment to call oneself a ghost, for you felt truly unseen and unwanted. 

 “Regretting your actions now?” 

Body so hollow, so weak, you barely noticed when Beldon came up from behind you to shove you to the ground. You came back to your senses, only to have them taken away as he angrily kicked you in the stomach a few times, finally stopping to spit you on the face. 

“You’re not even worthy for a  _fuck_!” he spat once more, leaving you defenseless.

Turning, you laid on your back, groaning in pain. Staring at the night sky, a part of you wished death would just swallow you whole and be done with it. But suddenly you knew, where you needed to be, and whom you needed to see. 

———————————————–

_“James”_

Going through some documents in the attic, he heard it once more. Looking out the window, James suddenly wondered if you were alright. Out of the blue, he was tempted to head downstairs, light up the fireplace. 

“Were you expecting someone?” Brace found him sitting on the armchair. 

“I don’t know” was the only answer he could provide. 

They were startled by the loud knock on the door. 

_“James”_

As if his feet caught fire, James hurried over to the door. His eyes widened, as he found, injured and barely standing. 

“I’m sorry” you said breathlessly, “I had no other place to g-” you eyes half closed; James caught you in his arms as you fell. You lost consciousness but you were relieved to feel his warmth around you. 

———————————————–

Sleepily, you squinted your eyes to find another pair staring at you.  _Were they Blue’s?_  you wondered. As you opened them wider, you blushed to find it was actually James instead.

What on earth happened? You quickly sat up only to feel the stinging pain of last night return to your memory. 

 “You’re not fully healed yet” James spoke softly, as he stood watching you. Clutching your stomach, you observed your surroundings, a beautiful bedroom painted blue. And there you were, resting on a bed of a size your head never had the fortune to lay on before. 

Your blushes darkened when you finally realized how little clothing James had on, just his shirt to be exact. And the morning light gave you glimpse of the   tribal tattoos embedded in the exposed skin of his neck, chest and legs. 

 “I’m…” you cleared your throat, “I’m sorry…for showing up like that last night” you looked down embarrassingly, as James sat on the bed, facing you “I was thrown out…I honestly had no place to go…” you voice broke once more. Taking a deep breath, you controlled yourself. 

“What happened?” You looked up to James’ inquiry. 

If it were another person, you’d prefer to avoid the subject. But it was James. The mysterious allure that surrounded him, persuaded you to have faith. So you began to explain everything. 

As Beldon appeared in your story, anger was quite noticeable in James’s face. Slowly getting up, his fists clenched tight, fuming with anger as the events turned sour.  

“I lost my home, my job, followed by another final kick to the stomach…literally” you shifted yourself “I didn’t mean to bring all my troubles here… you were more than kind to help last-”

“Stay here as long as you wish” James said as he reached for the door, stopping to turn back to you. . 

“This is your home now” he spoke with certainty before exiting. 

 Leaning your head against the headboard, you sighed. You could not believe his generosity served you greatly in the most appropriate moment. 

Maybe it was the physical pain with the emotional fatigue, but you slept throughout most of the day. Every waking moment you did not see James. According to Brace he did not get back since he left that morning. You began to worry that night as you barely chewed on your dinner. 

 “He does this all the time, don’t you worry lass, get some food in you” Brace comforted you. 

Later that night, you went to bed, hoping he was right. 

———————————————–

 “You monster!” a woman cried out after Beldon as he stepped out the brothel, with a bottle in his hand. Approaching the docks, he spotted a figure standing from afar. When the tall dark figure strode towards him, Beldon yelled, 

“Who the fuck are you?” 

———————————————–

The next morning you felt strong enough to get your feet off the bed. Getting dressed, you quietly stepped out the house for a walk and some fresh air.  

As you walked, a silent prayer lingered, hoping you’d somehow see James appear before you. In hopes of finding Winter, you decided to head over to the docks, then maybe take a stroll down the shore. 

 The early mornings felt peaceful, no matter how dirty or chaotic. Taking in a deep breath of the salty air, you stood by the shore, watching the horizon. Your attention was caught when you saw a crowd of people gathering on a corner far ahead. Has someone died? 

Winter answered your silent inquiry as she stood beside you,

“It’s Beldon…they found him washed up on the shore” 

“What happened to him?” you asked, with arms folded. 

“Don’t know…he seemed to have drowned…there was a cut in his stomach as well…” Winter added, you took a deep breath.

“Perhaps he was _robbed_ …” you said, tone surprisingly unfazed. 

“Maybe…” Winter nodded, looking at you. Both of you shared a particular understanding at that moment. 

Yet, you couldn’t believe it. Two nights ago, this wretched man beat you and ridiculed you, lost you your job and home. And there he was, dead and cold, washed up, insignificant as any other man pronounced dead, his power and status unable to save him this time. 

You were quite surprised to see how unaffected you were by all this. Guilty as you were to admit, but sympathy or condolence for this man had already dried up from you. In fact, you felt free instead. You couldn’t help but wonder, who gave you this release? And could it be the one who disappeared the whole previous day and night?

 James Delaney stepped forward, standing next to you as you both watched the commotion ahead. You were relieved to see him alive, contrary to Beldon.

As you kept looking out to the distance, you found yourself speak.  

“They call you the devil, don’t they?” 

James looked at you in surprise, was this possibly déjà vu? 

“Mmmm…. it seems that they do…yes” James replied, as those rehearsed words finally escaped his lips out loud.

“Why…” he continued “Are you afraid?” he asked, itching to hear your reply. Taking a deep breath, you turned your head to him, 

“Why would I be?”  You asked with a genuine concern, for it was true. But for James, this didn’t seem normal at all. 

In confirmation, you felt him grab your shoulders unexpectedly, as if the dream was in play. Surprised as you were, his intense physical reaction sent chills down your spine.

“Are… you…real?” he asked you. You could sense the desperation in his voice. But why?

“I am…” you assured him, uncertain of what was happening.

James was familiar with the sequence of events well enough, yet impatience took him over once his eyes fell on your parted lips. You on the other hand, could do nothing but blush furiously while his gaze washed over you along with this close proximity.

 “Oi Delaney!”

It was Atticus. As you were pushed back gently, you were released from his grip. James left you breathless, as you watched him walk towards Atticus and the gang.

 You did not know what was happening. But as you ran your fingers through your hair in frustration, all you were concerned was of the spontaneous and strange conversation just minutes before, and the immense power James Delaney had over your mind, body and soul.


	8. Confirmations

Brace opened the door with surprise.

“Good Morning Mr.Brace!” Your tone filled with cheer was quite a contrast to the morning chill.

“Again, it’s just Brace” he insisted, smiling back at you, “And good morning to you lass”. You were not foolish to notice how he was adamant in hiding his confusion with a smile.

“I’m sorry if I frightened you,” you said, slightly bowing in apology as he motioned you to enter, “I was out for a walk…. I’m… quite an early bird I suppose” you added, explaining yourself, deciding not to mention news about the ‘unfortunate’ death you were made aware of this morning. 

“Well at least have some breakfast then”

You nodded in acknowledgment to his suggestion, slowly looking around the living room, preferably the stairs, before finding a seat at the table. Being the older of the two, Brace seemed to have guessed what had occupied this young woman’s thoughts.

 “He has not come back yet”

When Brace spoke you quickly covered your mouth in sheer embarrassment for you were just caught in the act.

“And I suppose he will _not_ return for a while” you said casually, as you picked up a boiled egg. Brace looked over to you with raised eyebrows.   
“And I suppose you have already gotten used to life in this household Ms. Y/N” he teased, making you chuckle. Breaking off the eggshell in little by little, you did not have the heart to see an old man like Brace pour you your tea.

“Oh Brace, let me …” you got up, hands reaching out to grab the teapot from him. “Nonsense…you are a guest here, lass” he moved the teapot away, refusing your assistance. You sighed, smiling.

“I know but….at least let me help you lighten the workload” you suggested, watching him as he poured a cup. Chuckling, the man placed the pot back on the table.“I don’t think there is much work here that needs to be lightened, lass”

Finally breaking off the shell, you took a bite of the boiled egg, when you heard him continue:

“Perhaps James would not mind if I provide you with an extra key”

This time it was you who raised your eyebrows. “What makes you think I will be here for long?” you asked teasingly.

“A gut feeling does” he said, handing you the cup with a warm smile. As you accepted the tea, you felt as if you were accepted as well. A feeling you have not felt in ages.

**—————————————————-**

It was only this morning that you received an education by Brace regarding the details of the previous owner of the room you resided in. Since it was James’ own mother, you felt a sense of reverence for her whenever you entered the room, regardless of her situation.

 Still not accustomed to the all the free time given to you by unemployment, you went through your bag, pulling out a small, old leather bound book. As you flipped through it, you slowly sat on the bed. It has been quite some time since you have made an entry in your journal, due to certain inconveniences. But even if you were to make one now, you dis need to borrow some writing tools, since you did not have access to Godfrey’s. Turning to the last page, you sighed heavily laying eyes on the written text:

_1804 – fail ~~////~~ ~~////~~ ~~////~~ ///_

_1805- fail ~~////~~ ~~////~~ ~~////~~ //_

_1806- fail ~~////~~ ~~////~~ //_

_1807- fail ~~////~~ ~~////~~ //_

_1808- fail ~~////~~ ~~////~~_

_1809- fail ~~////~~ ///_

_1810- fail ~~////~~ /_

_1811- fail  ////_

_1812- fail  ////_

_1813- fail  //_

_1814- fail  /_

As your finger traced each number, you pressed your lips tightly, doing ones best to avoid the painful memories each number, each year represented. A decade had passed already, and yet you still could not fathom what had become of your life. The avoiding did not work as well as you hoped, for an image of a young man appeared in your head, suddenly reminding you of his voice, his smile, his gaze.

Before all that turned for the worse, you flipped the book closed, throwing it away from you. Rubbing your eyes, you focused yourself with another query instead. The look of bewilderment and hidden desperation you saw in James Delaney’s face this morning was something you could not put your finger on. A part of you swore those blue eyes of his shared a similarity with those in your dreams.

But were you certain of it? Or was that merely your wishful thinking?

**—————————————————-**

“Where is she?”

That was the first question James preferred to ask Brace when he returned home late that night. Brace found his master in the living room, kicking off his boots, removing his coat alongside his hat.

“Upstairs…she chose to wait for you.” He replied, taking the coat and hat, “But eventually ate upon my insistence. She did ask of you this morning” he said, picking up his boots. James grunted in response.

“Any food left Brace?”

**—————————————————-**

His hunger finally satisfied, James sat with Brace in front of the fire, keeping warm from the sudden rain poured outside.

“So…” James started, “What do you make of her then?” he inquired, quenching his thirst with some brandy.

“A peculiar thing she is…” Brace said. James nodded in acknowledgement.

“But…I do like her…never had anyone show me respect the way she did” he continued, to which James surprisingly responded with a soft smile, “She’s a good lass…”

A clear singing voice started to echo from across the stairs.

“ Like I said, a peculiar thing…. been singing some strange songs throughout the day. Beautiful, but quite unfamiliar” Brace said, looking up. The chair creaked as James slowly got up from it.

 The singing did not seem to stop even when James slowly climbed up the stairs. Fortunately, the door to your room was half closed, giving him enough of a view as he stood there, to find you sitting on the bed, singing your heart away. Dressed in your long white nightgown, you had your hair brushed to the side. Your left shoulder fully exposed as you ran your fingers through the loose dark hair to the rhythm, getting rid of the tangles.

 For a slight moment, James was reminded of the woman that visited his dreams, for you were the splitting image, completed with the loose long locks he ran his own fingers through, but only in his dreams.

**—————————————————-**

You caught your breath as your eyes shot wide open. Blue eyes made a visit as expected, and there you were, staring at the ceiling as you listened to the furious patter of raindrops. A few seconds past and you’d drift away back to slumber, but tonight, you stretched yourself to sit up, with your legs crossed. Covering your face, you pictured them, for this time there seemed to be more details than usual. There were eyebrows; there was skin, starting to appear more human. But there seemed to be something of a familiarity in them as well.

 Placing your feet on the ground, a side of you strongly wished those eyes belonged to a certain face. The thunder did not frighten you, as you were tempted to visit a certain place right away.

**—————————————————-**

Somewhere deep inside, you knew James would be present. So it did not seem to be a surprise when you slowly walked over to the Attic.

You made sure to open the door with little noise as possible, and somehow you managed to do so, for there was James, sitting crossed legged in front of the fire.He seemed quite occupied, in the midst of chants whilst eyes fully closed.

 “Come on Y/N! I do not bite”

You were startled when he addressed you, without even opening his eyes. It seemed that he was not as occupied as you assumed. Opening the door, you entered the room, clearing your throat, as he opened his eyes to you.

“I did not mean to interrupt…I just could not sleep” you confessed, as you fiddled with your braid.

“Neither could I” he replied, slowly getting up to reveal himself in just his undershirt. He must be quite comfortable, you thought as you watched him walk over to his table.

“So this… is where it all happens…” you said, observing your surroundings “All the planning…and-” you paused to see him look at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Um…I’ve heard about your situation from Godfrey” you admitted shyly, unable to be anything but honest with him. Leaning against the table, he folded his arms.

“Pray tell me, what exactly have you heard?” he asked. You took a deep breath.

“ I’ve heard of your inheritance from your father, a piece of land called _Nootka Sound_ , I believe.” You said, slowly walking towards the large window, “ which seems to be making you the talk of many. And you’re willing to sell it to the highest bidder, in this case the Americans. And _that_ …” you stressed, “ was not news the East India took to calmly, alongside the Crown. So you’re basically at war with the East India…a _silent, yet dangerous war_ more or less” you turned from the window to face him.

 “And what do you think of this plan?”

“Oh!” you were surprised by the inquiry, “I do not think I could answer…I don’t consider myself intelligent en -”

“I believe you are much more intelligent that you give yourself credit for” he replied calmly, with a hint of confidence. You smiled. It had been a while since anyone had thought that about you.

 “Truthfully, I believe this is quite a risk, considering all the danger that might fall upon you if your plans fail. But…” you paused, taking a deep breath, “I can see how determined you are…” you folded your arms, “ something is driving you to do this. And no one can stop you.” You continued, as James straightened himself, taking a step towards you, “Personally, the fact your actions could cause the East India great inconvenience is something I will take great pleasure in…” you smiled.

“They wronged you…” James said, taking another step closer “did they not?”

 You stopped smiling. Clicking your tongue, you felt yourself in a great inconvenience yourself at that moment. Looking away for a few seconds, you sighed. Turning your head back, you pressed your lips.

 “I was in love once…years ago…For the first ever time, to be exact”

James noticed how grip on your own hand tightened as you continued to speak, “When I was rejected, made unwelcome by all others, he loved me for what he saw in me, for who I was. It was safe to admit, that I truly loved him back” you said, a warm smile formed in your mouth for a few seconds.

 James however, was quite smothered with the thought of all this. For he forgot how you must have had a life of your own before he met you. And how another man in London seized the opportunity to make you his own while he was away in Africa.

 “It was all wonderful…until one day he suddenly disappeared” suddenly all form of happiness left your face.“ There was not a moment when I did not look for him. Then…” you paused, closing your eyes in pain. A few seconds passed by, until you finally exhaled to open your eyes, “Then we found him finally…only that he was not breathing” you felt tears welling up, “It was the East India. They had him beaten…” your voice changed “…stabbed, mutilated enough…I-I-” you felt your cheeks get wet, “I could barely recognize him” your shoulders shook as you could not continue. Bursting into quiet sobs, you lowered your head down in embarrassment, only to feel James’ hand rest on your back. Gently pulling you closer, he held you, for the first time ever. Your tears stained his shirt collar as you pressed your face against his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his back. You felt comforted in his embrace as you slowly stopped crying.

As you sighed, he pulled you away, gazing at you with eyes that truly longed to communicate, as if he attempted to share something of his own. Your eyes moving to his lips, a part of you hoped he could comfort you through another way.

 Only suddenly, you saw James squint his eyes, and did not take a while for you to do the same. For you were blinded by a bright light. Anything else seemed impossible to catch as your eyes were almost on fire. The moment James pushed you away, sight was regained once more.

“Goodnight Y/N” he said, turning away to sit down in confusion.

“Goodnight” you replied, rubbing your eyes as you headed back, confused in equal measure.

**—————————————————-**

You kept squinting your eyes, making sure your eyesight had no influence from what happened last night, as you scrubbed an old pot in the kitchen the next morning.

“You alright lass?” Brace asked, walking over to you with concern, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

“No…” you shook your head, “Just…I don’t know” you sighed.

 The sound of footsteps filled the kitchen, whereas you were suddenly filled with butterflies. Your eyes caught James’ own the moment he entered. Instead of a verbal greeting, you both shared a nod of acknowledgement instead.

 “ Tea James?” holding up the teapot, Brace looked over to his master.

“I’ll be heading out, will need the carriage today Brace…” James replied, “Y/N”

You turned to him.

“I’ll be needing your help this morning”

**—————————————————-**

 Your stomach clenched, trying to suppress your butterflies, as you sat next to James on the horse carriage. You were more than happy to help him out. Only you did not know how.

“What…” James looked as you started to speak, “…exactly do you need me to do?”

“I need you to be a distraction” he answered.

“Where?” you inquired back. Just as you did, the carriage halted, causing the horse to neigh. You managed to take a look when James got down. Suddenly frozen by the sight of the building that stood before you. You felt your stomach turn. The Headquarters of the East India was the last place you ever wished to set foot on. All those horrid memories came rushing back.

 “Y/N” James’ voice brought you back. You looked down. He stood there, with his hand extended towards you. There was no time to be wasted. Taking a deep breath, you took his hand, holding it firmly as you got down from the carriage, leaving behind your past fear, as you held on to a new hope.

**—————————————————-**

“The gentlemen will be with you shortly”

You playfully waved back at the steward in acknowledgement, as he slowly closed out the doors, eyeing you with disgust.

As you exhaled deeply, you became your normal self again.

“Correct me if I’m mistaken…but by distraction, you meant: play a prostitute who manages to embarrass you in front of the entirety of the East India, hence…” you paused, “giving them the assumption you have _lost_ control of yourself, possibly going mad, the same way as they assumed of your father perhaps?” Looking at James, you waited for his response.

“And you once said you were not intelligent enough…” he smirked, as he sat down on an armchair. You smiled, “Well, I’m glad I could help out”

 With Sir Stuart Strange and company apparently occupied at a meeting, you and James were requested to wait at one of the Offices. The beautifully furnished room filled you with awe, as you walked around, observing with great fascination.

 “They might take a while, why don’t you sit Y/N” James said.

“Oh no…I’m alright” you said.

“Please…” patting his lap, James insisted. With your eyebrows raised, you were surprised by his request, and those wretched butterflies returned once again. Even still, you walked over to him, curious of his intentions.

Slowly you placed yourself on his lap, sitting upright. Flushed, you looked at him, hoping he would speak first, for you felt incredibly shy by this foreign position of sitting.

“Y/N” He began.

You gasped when you felt his hand touch yours, picking it up with both hands delicately. Your breath practically left your body when he brought the hand to his face, his lips softly planted on them, kissing it with care.

 “Despite what you might have thought, you have helped me, _saved_ me in more ways than one” he sounded tender. His words spoke of sincere appreciation. He might be called the devil, but he was the Devil who saved you. And at that moment, a doubt that lingered in you all this time was confirmed. And in response, you swooped in, pressing your lips against his very own.

 For a moment, time seemed to have slowed down. His lips were soft, enough for your own lips to drift into slumber. The best distraction seemed to be at your fingertips, or lips to be exact. And you wanted to be nowhere but here, lost in his lips. Unfortunately, time sped up, the moment you pulled away. Only to be pulled back in, as James kissed you back with an animalistic growl.

 You did not know how much you longed, craved and hungered to kiss James Delaney till you finally did. You managed to pull your dress up high enough to climb up. Straddling him, you sealed your arms around his neck, as his own hands held you by the waist, pulling you closer. His tongue licked your lips, begging for an entrance. Generous was all that you could be, as you moaned into the kiss, feeling his tongue collide in with yours.

 “Ah!” you squinted, for that bright light blinded you once again.

Leaning your forehead against James’, you closed your eyes, hoping the light will disappear. But instead, you found yourself at the lake, standing before James. You watched yourself tease him in fits of giggles, seduce him, and moan by his slightest touch:

_“They call you the devil, don’t they?”_

_"Mmmm…It seems that they do, yes….Why? are you afraid?”_

_“Why would I be?”_

_“Are you…are you real?”_

_“I am…”_

 The erotic tension between the two of you, the savoring of the kisses you shared. All while you were feeling the safest, staring into _his blue eyes._

 Those eyes that stared at you while you teased him, those eyes that watched with curiosity as you spoke, those eyes that spoke to your soul when you were ravished at the shore, those eyes that commanded you to scream out his name in pleasure.

“James” You gasped, opening your eyes wide, returned from the vision as your forehead still rested against James’. His hands slowly leaving your waist, he gently cupped your face, as he said:

“Did you see it too?”


	9. Distractions

“Did you see it too?” 

Eyes widened with surprise, you couldn’t believe those exact words exiting James’ lips, for it confirmed all that you were uncertain of.

“James….” You panted, feeling rejuvenated with his hands on your face, “It was you…it was you all this time?”

“You…you finally remembered” he breathed, lips hungrily latching on to your neck before you could even respond.

“James” you moaned, the number of questions you had were many, but all those merely drowned by the sheer pleasure you received with his lips coming into contact with your neck, his facial hair lightly brushing against your skin, sending electric shocks through you. A part of you longed to savor this with your whole heart, but the fact you were out in public, specifically a place of the supposed enemy, did not seem helpful.

Between your soft moans, your ears suddenly grew sensitive to a sound. Which clearly sounded like men chattering and footsteps getting closer.

 “James” you hissed anxiously, “They are coming-”.

You froze when his grip on you tightened. He moved his lips over to your ear.

“I want you to go. Go home, stay there!” he whispered low but sharp, managing to finish the sentence before the doors burst opened.

———————————————————————

Fresh out of a meeting, Sir Stuart Strange, the Chairman of the East India Company, accompanied by records officer Benjamin Wilton and Edmund Pettifer, entered the room to discover somewhat of an inappropriate scenario.

“Mr. Delaney” Strange cried out, looking appalled. You knew that was your cue.

“James!” your voice changed into a playful tone, you’ve begun playing your part in the devil’s plan.

“Stop it you…we’re in _public_ ” you giggled, and feigned embarrassment as you lightly hit him on the chest to remove his hold on you. Climbing off of him in an indecent fashion, you accidentally fell on to the floor. Wilton rolled his eyes while Strange covered his face with shame.  

 “You’d have to excuse Mr. Delaney”, you said, stumbling as you stood, fixing your dress “ He is… _not_ himself of late” you added, winking at the officers, who seemed offended.

“Get out” James murmured.

You knew it was time to make a scene.

“Get out? Well… what about the money you owe me for this whole week?” with your hands on your hips, you inquired with a tone that was rich with irritation.

Getting up from his seat, James swiftly grabbed you by the neck, giving you a deathly stare, which you did not need feign any form of fear. Suddenly you remembered all the fearful stories of the savage from Africa, for you seem to be getting a taste of it.

 “Get out…or you will _not_ see the light of day by tomorrow” he replied, in a menacing tone.  

“You…”covering your mouth in shock, you screamed,

“ Tis true… you _are_ mad. Just like your father…so it is _all true_ ” inching away from him, you quickly started walking.

  _“Go straight home Y/N…”_

Turning back in an instant, you heard his voice echo in your head.

_“Stay safe”_

With his gaze glued on you, the doors closed on your face, your façade disappearing along with it.

You made it out the premises as planned, and got on the horse carriage, yet you headed on home with worries in place of relief.

———————————————————————

Who knew it would take forever for a whole afternoon to pass.

 You spent the whole duration, pacing yourself around the living room, staring through the window at the passerby’s, praying that man will finally return. You were well aware of the fact this was one man who was capable of taking care of himself with no obstacle, yet you wondered why you were worried so much for his safety.

Could it be that the kiss was more than just a display of affection?

Was it also a seal of confirmation of your growing feelings for James Delaney?

Feeling restless, you raced out the door.

———————————————————————

 “Oh dear Y/N” you heard Michael Godfrey whisper, as he held you tight in his embrace. Desperate for any news, you did not hesitate to look for a friend.

“Since there were no news of you, I was worried”

“I’m sorry” you replied, patting his back as you the both of you stood at the alleyway by Master Farley’s house, “I’m sorry I couldn’t see you sooner, but Michael…I need to know…Have you seen James?” you asked, as you both pulled away.

“There was word of him at the East India Office this morning-”

“Yes…I know that. But did you see him _after_?” you stressed on the last word, your hold on him tightened as you did.

He shook his head desperately, “No…”

You inhaled, your breath shaking as you did so.

———————————————————————

Walking by the docks, you desperately stopped by the Delaney Trading company office, finding out to be locked. Godfrey’s assurance of James’ safety you did appreciate, but without a definite answer, restlessness remained still.

As you continued to walk, you could not help but sense you were being followed. The deserted surroundings made these unfamiliar footsteps grow louder when you felt them increase in speed. Your stomach turned with nervousness. Clenching your fists, you prepared yourself to face the possible attacker.

 “Oi! You”

You heard Atticus’ voice from the distance, his pistol clicking as he pointed it at a big burly, bald man who followed you with a knife in hand.

“Yeah…you…why don’t you step away from that nice lady yeah? Before I blow your fucking brains out!” Atticus continued, motioning the man to move away.

The man stood there frozen. You held your breath, completely unaware of what was happening.

Putting his arms up, the man finally backed away, proceeding to run away into the shadows.

 “Atticus…” you breathed, clutching your chest, “How did you-?”

 “Well” he chuckled, “ Let’s just say James was right about the fact you migh’ be wandering, around looking for him while he’s away”

You looked down embarrassed, clearly James instructed you to stay at home, and there you were, asking for trouble.

“I suggest you listen to him, and stay in for a while” he continued. 

“Just…” you began, looking at him “tell me if he’s alright..” 

He nodded, looking at your genuine face of concern,

“ He is…Now, I’ll walk ya home. Come on!”

———————————————————————

Dusk announced the darkness to take center stage, and still no sign of James Delaney. 

“You didn’t speak much this morning when you got back….” Brace said, “Everything alright?” He asked, as you made it to the kitchen, since you insisted you’d eat there.

Though your stomach roared with hunger, you simply did not have the heart. Sinking on the chair, you sighed, “Just…never mind.” You wanted a change of topic.

“Brace, I know you know me very little, so I understand of whatever decision you’d make…” you said, tapping your fingers on the table, “ But, could you tell me about when James was a boy? What was he like?” You asked with a soft smile. You needed a distraction. The hard features in Brace’s face faded as he remembered the simpler times. 

“Did he have any other siblings?” You asked further. Suddenly the hardness returned in his face. 

“A half sister, Zilpha…” 

“Zilpha?” You were suddenly reminded of a person, “Zilpha Geary? She ….uh passed away a few weeks ago, yes?” you asked, later realizing, “ I’m sorry for your loss” you added in a somber tone. Brace merely shook his head.

“Don’t be sorry lass, she was ashamed to be a part of family in the end ” 

Pursing one’s lips, memories rushed over to you; back to the time you a heard all those rumors about the son of Delaney, including that particular rumor, claiming how Horace Delaney’s children to be having a close relationship that could even be dubbed as ‘incestuous’. You stroked your chin, lost in thought. You have seen Zilpha Geary a few times in town. A beautiful woman, you thought. The thought of that made you feel sour, clearly you were envious and ashamed. 

The envy mainly dwelling in the idea of James Delaney being in love with someone as beautiful as her, making you question of your value and concern of whether he still has not forgotten his long love.

The shame being the fact you were envious, and completely ignorant of the nature of their relationship.

As you opened the door to the attic, you could do nothing but recall those dreams of yours, which were finally clear as day. Sitting in front of the fireplace, you brought your nightgown up to your thighs, your fingers lightly brushing on the exposed skin, and wishing those fingers were someone else’s. The muscles below clenched tight as you involuntarily moved yourself against the wooden floor.

Regardless of all that you realized about this man, the part that ached for him still remained strong. Your desperate feelings for him were clearly displayed once you admitted it to yourself, for you really did care for the devil.

———————————————————————

 The creaking of the foot boards shook you awake.    
“Thought I might find you here” Brace’s voice made you turn to the side. Sitting up, you realized you had fallen asleep in the attic the previous night.

 Suddenly, you felt your heart sink.

For you have slept throughout the whole night, and there was no sign of Blue, nor any sign of James, you have slept dreamless. Just like any other person would. But that heart of yours sank deeper than it ever did.

“Lass, you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost…”

“That would have been kinder” you muttered to yourself, finally getting to your senses, “Uh…nothing” you chuckled nervously, quickly hiding your horrid discovery.

_James…where are you?_

———————————————————————

This was not a house arrest, but it certainly did feel like such. Experienced you were enough to know, being stubborn when it comes to danger and safety was not a risk worth taking. But you were simply not accustomed to being caged, without necessarily being caged.

You needed distractions. You cleaned, set your foot on every inch of the house as you mopped, scrubbed the place clean, when suddenly it dawned on you.

Since when exactly did you dream of those blue eyes? Since when did you see James without actually knowing it? Lying down on the settee, you closed your eyes to remember, when you finally did.

_(A few weeks ago)_

 “You going to the woods again aren’t you Y/N?”

Winter called out to you, as you exited the docks. 

“Mmm…” you murmured, without giving a direct answer.

“You are, aren’t you? Off with your little secret ”

“Maybe…” you replied, without looking back as you walked, “You’ve been quite observant all this time, haven’t you?”

“This was the only thing you’ve been secretive about” she shouted back, standing there watching you. You nodded in acknowledgement, placing a finger on your lips.

As you listened to the soothing rustle, and call of the birds in the woods, a simple prayer remained in your lips as you stripped down to your undergarments; the manner of it clearly seemed habitual. The chilling wind crashing on your bare arms and neck didn’t bother you, whilst you walked in to the lake. You welcomed the water, you embraced it, and you were one with it as you drew in a deep breath, diving in.

The deep waters were quiet yet calming. And the prayer lingered in you with eyes closed, hoping for the miracle to come. Practice had allowed you to hold your breath long enough each time, but as moments passed in seconds, still there was nothing.

Suddenly, the quiet was disrupted when you heard something else enter the water. Opening your eyes, you saw a figure in the distance floating as you did. Your head throbbed in pain. You wanted to escape. Swimming upward as fast as your body could take you, you reached the surface. A fear grew inside, concern if anyone had discovered of your secret. Stumbling out of the lake, you hurriedly grabbed your clothes, darting off to the vicinity, without ever looking back.

 

_(Present)_

Rubbing your eyes, you sighed as you sat up. Could that man in the water have been James? Was that throbbing pain a clue for something? Once again your distraction failed, you still missed him.

———————————————————————

“Been a while since there was any life in this house” Brace said, looking around the kitchen. “Mmmm…” you nodded, serving the food, unaware of the compliment you were given by the housekeeper.

Your dire need for distraction reached the point of dusting and cleaning off anything you could find, including the kitchen. Beside, that also meant you partaking in the cooking, thus serving food, which were not served usually in the Delaney house, giving Brace some time to rest.

Like before, your appetite seemed to have left along with James. You knew this seemed childish, but this was something you could not help. Brace took notice of your secret glances towards the stairs, and the door, he could tell you were uneasy.

 “I…” he began, catching your attention, “…don’t know what is going on between the two of you…but” pointing at you, “I hope You’ll take care of him Y/N. James, that man needs someone to keep him…human”

With merely a nod, you responded. Part of you was ecstatic of his approval. You wished you could have shown him your genuine response. Quite frankly, you wished you could have been a better, cheery house guest during these past two days.

But you could not. Not now.

———————————————————————

“No!” your voice cracked. Your palms covered your eyes, tossing to the side of your bed, when you heard the chirping of the birds, signaling the arrival of dawn.

 “No…” you repeated in sheer frustration. 

Another night passed without any sign of dreams, thus failing to make any form of communication with him. Another day dawned to distract oneself, as you crawled out of the bed in misery.

———————————————————————

Closing the door behind him, Brace stepped down the house, making his way to the gate. Senses warned him when he opened the gate, gasping by the sight of a figure standing on the other side of the road.

———————————————————————

After several splashes of water, you freshened up proceeding to dry off.

Standing in front of the bed, you sighed deeply for you had to face the day once again, and you have to look decent enough to do so.

 Hands gripping on your nightgown, you slowly pulled it up, strength barely left in you as you did. The ends of your nightgown grazed over your exposed buttocks when suddenly the door burst opened. Hands leaving the material, you spun in surprise.

 You almost lost your breath, as you found James Delaney standing there, wearing just his undershirt. 

You finally exhaled. You were suddenly injected with an elixir of mixed emotions. 

 The surprise of his sudden return, the relief of his well being, and the reminder of how much you longed for this man, how much your body craved for his own. All those attempts of distractions just to fill the emptiness this man left behind.   

Gripping on your nightgown once again, you took a deep breath, pulling it over your head, and then dropping it, as you stood in front of him, naked. Breathing heavily, the devil watched you with dark, hungry eyes as you walked towards him. 

Standing so close in your most vulnerable, your chest heaved as you raised your hand, fingers lightly touching his lips, getting more delicate by their softness. For the first time, you knew which woman you were every night. You knew how you were.

Softly taking a breath, your heart raced as you repeated a line you must have said every night: 

“Come find me, James” 

A gasp escaped from you when James pulled you by the waist, his lips roughly pressed against yours. Your hands rested on the back of his head, as you kissed him, displaying the hunger and thirst, which was not satisfied with food or wine. As much as you found pleasure in the cotton on his shirt brushing against your naked frame, you preferred more. Picking you up effortlessly, your legs wrapped around his waist as he guided you towards the bed. Releasing you, you fell to the bed, and watched as he removed his final item of clothing. Witnessing his full naked frame, along with the tribal ink that claimed him body home, your knees gave up as he pounced on you. 

This ravish was likened to the seas, calm as the morning waters, becoming rough as the time passed. Weeks of longing, weeks of craving finally fulfilled, by two lovers on top of this bed. Flipping over, you straddled him. Time suddenly slowed down as you felt his hands slowly grazing your back, your body reacting instantly. Time suddenly slowed down when your loose locks of hair brushed against his bare shoulders and your eyes met his. It was short yet tender, as you declared your affections with your mere gaze, proceeding to slowly kissing his cheeks for he was most precious to you. It had been quite a while since this feeling spawned in you.

Suddenly that moment passed, as James flipped you over, your back hitting the sheets once more as he continued to move inside of you. His head rested on the crook of your neck. A the only sounds that occupied the room were the creaking of the bed, his animalistic grunts, mixed with your cries of pure pleasure that you did not shy away from.


	10. Letters

The crumpled sheets that enclosed the mattress reflected, lighting up the room with the little brightness the gloomy morning London could bring forth. 

That faint daylight shone through the windows, perching on the sun kissed skin , highlighting the curves of your naked figure as you lay on your stomach. With your cheek pressed against the soft pillow, the long dark wavy locks were sprawled around. 

You blinked heavily, on purpose in fact, whilst staring at him , he who remained laying on his back, staring upwards. Each blink of yours confirmed his presence next to yours, convincing and comforting you. The  silence you both shared did not seem forced, but a natural one. You relished it so much, especially when this surprising reunion with James Delaney, advanced to the eventual ending that even your dreams seem to have empathized. 

The sheets moved as you shifted closer to him. You found yourself inhaling deeply when he turned his head to face you. Those blue eyes were what you could get lost in, swimming in those blue waters was what you were most familiar with. As you lifted your head slightly, your mouth opened in order to speak, but the words remained unsaid. 

James inquired your hesitation with a confused grunt, and with his eyebrows raised. His confusion grew more as he watched you retract your body. He watched the way you buttocks rose as you were on all fours, crawling over like an animal. You straddled him, resting on his hips firmly while your hand snaked over to his own, enveloping it tightly. 

“I…” you began, pausing right after, “I strongly wish I could tell you, how-” pausing again, you pressed your lips, “…how worried I was… for you, how relieved I was… to see you alive…how-,” you exhaled, feeling the breath leave every cell of your body by the thought of the next, “…how I enjoyed _this_ with all my heart” you smiled slightly, feeling your heart beat fast, motioning the state you both were in. Embarrassed to catch his reaction, you looked down shyly, suddenly focusing yourself on the markings that covered his body. 

“But…all I could bring myself to ask is…” looking back at his intrigued expression, you continued, “How did all this happen? Those dreams …that you and I shared…how did it suddenly come about?” Straddle intact, you bent down laying on his torso, goosebumps running through you as your skin brushed against his. Slowly moving, James rested his other hand on your waist as he sat up, still holding you. 

“Y/N…I am no stranger..”James said, “..to visiting dreams-”  
“Like your half-sister’s perhaps?” You cut him off, jealousy making a sudden appearance, not only in your heart, but also in your voice, and your face, which James seemed to have taken notice. “Yes” he replied. As much as your heart turned green, his honesty you appreciated with no hesitation.   
“It’s possible to visit her, since you knew her all your life…” you said, “But how is it possible when you ..dream of someone-”  
“…you have not met?” He finished it. You nodded in agreement. Releasing your hand from his, you left a trail of light touches on his arm, as you brought yourself to ask.   
“Were you at the lake a few weeks ago James?”   
The vision of the woman in the water, suddenly dawned on him.  
“Yes” he replied, returning to his senses   
“What were you doing there?” You inquired.   
“What were _you_ doing there?” He inquired back in kind, completely certain of your presence that day. You gulped.   
“You didn’t answer my question…” you replied, ignoring his question.   
“Neither did _you_ ”   
Breathy sigh of frustration came over you when James’ hands rested on your hips, later running one thumb over your bellybutton, encircling it.   
“Surely you must know what people speak of me Y/N” he said, fingers familiarizing with your hipbone, “I speak to the dead, I conjure spirits…” he continued, moving to the end of your ribs, “I’ve learnt _many_ things in Africa”.  
As he spoke, you felt as if his mystery-infused voice had you spellbound.  
“But you?…what were you doing there?” He inquired. You bit your lip, as you felt your temples tighten.   
“Who are you Y/N?” Soft whimpers left you when James’ palms suddenly settled on your buttocks, grabbing a handful of the flesh.   
“I’m just…” resisting the temptation, you spoke “… a lowly servant James…” you replied, temples tightening even further, as if you literally closed yourself off, “Nothing more…”   
“Why do I suddenly feel you are _not being completely truthful_ with me?” His breath on your neck, he whispered in a low tone. He surprised you when he flipped you back on the bed with much expertise. You closed your eyes when you felt his palm rest on your forehead, foreign chants exiting his lips, you assumed he wished to read you further. But your eyes were not the only ones that were closed off.   
“You are something else completely Y/N” James moved down to your stomach, “Who are you _really_ Y/N?” His warm breath on your stomach caused your body to react. You completely felt helpless, unable to answer, especially with his lips on your skin, multiple kisses landing on your waist.   
“James…” his name was all that  you managed to utter, hands desperately gripping on the crumpled sheets as his kisses traveled lower. Pushing your legs up , you felt him spread them wide open, and you allowed it without batting an eye. You thighs resting comfortably on his shoulders,  your stomach muscles clenched as his lips hungrily traveled to a place you did not expect, thus lighting small bonfires inside of you.  You were at his mercy, listening to his growls, while his tongue slid in your already dampened slit. The bedroom brimmed with your moans as the flower inside you bloomed, by his sunlight and your droplets of moisture. You were feasted and you certainly enjoyed it.

                                      ********************************

The windows appeared blurry as you slowly opened your eyes. Stretching yourself with a groan, you felt the wind against your bare skin. Tossing to the side, your hands searched for him next to you.   
Only to find out he was not. 

You sat upright in a flash, looking around , James was nowhere to be seen. That sick feeling in your stomach returned. 

Were you hallucinating all this time? 

Getting off from the bed, you grabbed your nightgown, putting it on before you stormed out of the room. Breath quickening, heart beat increasing, you felt tired as you raced upstairs to the attic. Bursting the door open, you held your breath as you entered. 

“What is the matter Y/N?” James inquired, turning to you from his letter writing as he sat at his desk. Exhaling in relief, you panted, trying to catch your breath.   
“Nothing…I…I” you struggled, coward enough to not respond.   
I was worried whether you left.   
“Well… I did not” James replied casually. You froze.   
“Wait…” you said, walking over to him, “I did not say that…out loud” suddenly you were overcome with realization.   
“Tis no surprise why you always…looked right to me.. whenever I was about to call your name.” You scoffed, ” And all this time…you knew?”   
“ I knew of the voice that called to me in my dreams…which turned out to be yours” he replied, turning back to his writing.   
“I…” you were in disbelief, “ Quite an inconvenience when one ends up being quite ignorant about a situation,” you said, rubbing your temples, “What on earth is happening?” You muttered to yourself. 

James watched you pace around the room. As much as he wished to clear his doubts alongside you, he had other pressing matters at hand. Pausing for a minute, you turned to him. You felt ashamed, there you were, worrying about an important matter, yet unaware of the equally important matter that seemed even more urgent. You did not want to seem useless. 

“I want to help more…” James looked up to from his letters to see you stand there with arms folded, “Maybe if you could share with me of the events, I could assist you in whatever manner I could”   
Folding the letters, James replied:   
“Actually, I do need a favor from you” 

                                      *********************************

Admittedly, you were quite happy that it was finally secure enough in James’ eyes for you to get out the house once more. When he asked you to deliver several important messages by hand, you felt productive as you normally were. Dressed in your usual simple attire, that never displayed any trace of high nor middle class, you blended among the simpletons, you were the ‘madwoman’, the exotic one that people rarely cared for.

You were yourself again. 

Letters in hand, you made your way through the docks, entrusting to Atticus, Helga and whoever else that belonged in Delaney’s company of the damned.   
“I told you he’d he safe…He is Horace’s ol’ boy” Atticus remarked, as you nodded with a warm smile. 

Finally you saved the best for last, strolling alongside Michael Godfrey. Discreetly putting the letter in his coat, Godfrey watched you smile to yourself as you walked.   
“Something has changed, has it not?”   
“How should I know? Perhaps James has provided more details of his plans here” you answered casually.   
“No …I meant.. you” he said, as he stopped in his tracks. You looked at him with surprise as he continued, “You look different”   
Being a close friend has its privileges, but also has its drawbacks when it becomes terribly difficult to hide things from them. Even if you were to tell him of your recent development with Delaney, what would you call it? A moment of passion? Or something more?  
“Oh dear Michael…I…” you were more than tempted to share everything. But suddenly you felt a pair of eyes watching you both. You turned to find William Farley , standing at the entrance of his establishment. 

                                          *********************************

You wished Godfrey kept you company right this moment, for you did not know what to say. Why must he leave you and Master Farley alone this way?   
“How have you been?” The older man inquired, clearing his throat as both stood outside, watching the rest of London carry on with their day. Folding your arms, you answered, for there was no guilt in you. 

“I’ve been well…was fortunate enough to find accommodation, which deemed to be..” You paused “…more than comfortable…” chuckling as you finished. Farley nodded, smiling, relieved to see you safe. You could feel the awkwardness intensify. You were certainly not the one to be at comfort with unnecessary small talk. 

“I know…I cannot undo all that I have done…Y/N”  Farley spoke, convincing you to look at him once more. “I …sent you, banished you away for…nothing”.   
“You did what you needed to do…” you replied, unwilling to remind yourself of that horrid memory. 

“No!” He cut you off, voice slightly turning towards the emotional. “ I could have done something…anything but that. I’m sorry” the sound of his voice breaking, broke your heart in return. After all, he was the only father figure you ever had all this time. You reached out to hold his hand, shaking your head. 

“It’s alright Master Farley, I …I appreciate this” you replied. Holding your hand tightly, he looked at you sharply.   
“You’ll always have employment…No…You’ll always have a home here.. Whenever you wish to return to us” You nodded.   
A part of you relieved completely. At least a part of you did. 

                                          *********************************

“What’s this?”   
You almost spilled the soup you were holding. James’ voice startled you and Brace over at the dining table, making his appearance.    
“Y/N decided to cook..and what a feast it is” Brace replied, turning to his master who has come down from the attic, only to be welcomed to aromatic smells that filled the entire house.   
Roast chicken, vegetable soup and bread would not be deemed a feast in your eyes, yet you made sure they had the flavor of one.   
“Will you join us James?” You looked at him, wiping your hands with the apron, “It would be a terrible shame if you were to miss my cooking…” You grinned, placing your hands on your hips as you spoke.   
“If you are to brag like that, then I suppose I have no other option but to accept..” James replied with a hint of teasing. You chuckled, motioning everyone to sit.

The sight of James Delaney devour his share of the dinner and more, certainly seemed enough to fill your stomach. The dinner table was filled with hearty conversation. The two men reminisced old memories together. And you were simply satisfied with listening, enjoying their company. For a moment, everyone forgot about the risk they were about to take with the East India and the Crown, and the quite ludicrous plan they are following.   
For a moment, you were all just people with full stomachs and warm chatter.

Some moments during the meal, you admit you’d get lost in thoughts, accidentally imagining a life of domesticity with this man. Then you’d give yourself an imaginary slap across your own face. There you were, caught in the act, plainly displaying your strong feelings. Just because he bedded you, just because of some kisses, how were you really to know what plans this man has for you? Maybe it was mere attraction, maybe this might be short lived, whatever it is …how were you to really know?  

                                          *********************************

“You never get sick of being here?”   
You teased James, finding him at the attic once more later that night. From what you heard from Brace, he hardly had left the room during the whole day.   
You were surprised to hear him chuckle softly in a low voice. Another success for the night, you thought. Walking over to him, you halted next to him, watching him read a document, on a table where rolls of possible contracts or articles occupied.  

“Some letters …” you began, “ Brace forgot to give this to you today” you said, holding on to a few envelopes. He grunted in acknowledgement, his eyes not leaving the paper. You managed to read the atmosphere in the room.   
“I’ll just leave this here then…” placing them gently on the table, you turned to leave.   
“Would you open these for me?”   
“The letters?”   
He grunted in response, watching you pick up the letters. You felt his hand hold yours , gently pulling you down to him, eventually ending up sitting on his lap. Personally you found sitting this close and intimate with James Delaney to be a privilege, so you had no complaints. As a matter of fact, you enjoyed it.

You felt his chest rise and fall as you opened the first letter. “Read it aloud” he said. A letter sent by Mr. Thoyt, his lawyer, contained details in regards to the ship James had recently bought. He listened patiently as you read it with care. Setting that aside, you proceeded to open the next one. This seemed quite difficult to open, in which case James volunteered to open it for you. He hissed when opening the seal resulted a paper cut. 

“Let me…” you found yourself say, grabbing his hand, placing his index finger in your mouth. Sucking out the little blood, you did it ever so gently and innocently, unaware of your involuntary seduction. Healing it with your saliva, you took the finger out, your mind still on the matter of reading the letter. You were ever so keen to assist him in anyway you could, perhaps because of your own feelings for him. 

“It’s from Dr. Cholmondeley…” you began, reading the rest. Something to do regarding the creation of gun powder. As you kept reading, James’ gaze washed over you, intensifying by the minute. And to make things worse, you swore you felt him bend down to pick something he had possibly dropped, only to allow his hand to crawl under your dress, his fingers grazing over your exposed leg. As he began straightening himself, his hand followed him, running along over to your thigh, while his other hand slowly pulled up your dress.  
You were no fool, your senses were rejuvenated, you knew what was about to unfold, you merely decided to relish it instead of fighting it. “It has been a while since I wrote…” you said, folding the letter, stretching out to place it with the others on the table in front of you. His gaze on you remained intact whilst his fingers encircled the skin of your inner thigh, “…been quite a while since I wrote…or even received a letter” You inhaled deeply, feeling his other hand resting on your left knee, spreading it open , providing his fingers better access.Your back brushed against on his chest, breaths were in sync as you waited impatiently for his spell casting fingers to reach the place that started to clench and moisten with intensity. The dress pulled up to the mid thigh, James let out a sound of pride as he reached your opening, fingers taking full ownership as they were soaked with acceptance. 

“Ahh..if I were to write to you…” James said, his fingers returning to him, “do you know what I would write?” He teased, inquiring in a lust filled voice, spreading your legs wider. “Pray…” you turned your head to him, “do tell…” you whispered watching his drenched fingers reach his lips. A low moan escaped you, by the mere sight of James Delaney putting his fingers in to his mouth, sucking and tasting whilst watching you. Lips smacked as he drew them out, you gasped in surprised when they were beckoned back to your heat in such speed, stroking, massaging the area. 

“Dearest Y/N,” he breathed, “I long to hear sound of you. Your breath quickening along with those cries of pleasure are simply music to my ears” he said, his fingers inserted themself in, causing you to throw your head back over his shoulder. If he longed for them, then quickened breaths and pleasurable cries were what you were willing to offer him, for it did not seem to be challenging. “Your body… reacting to my touch is what I miss, and I seem to be of great desperation without it next to me. I have no other option except to relieve myself, with you in mind, haunting me. But that could never compare to what is real…” feeding sweetened words to your ears, his lips brushed grazed the back of your neck, while the fingers worked tirelessly inside you. 

“Dear James…” you managed to speak, adjusting yourself on his lap so you could feel him further between his thighs “ you must know you can always visit me. Ahhh…” rolling your hips, you continued “I beg of you…do not spare me. Break in …as…you..wish…James” your head still resting on his shoulder, you meant every single word of it.

And it all progressed so quickly. The way he stood up from the chair with you, sweeping all the scrolls and documents from the table, lifting you up to place you there. With your legs wrapped around his hips, James kissed you, fueled with the same hunger as he did the first time his lips tasted yours. His hands wandered around your frame, trying to find an opening in your clothing. Seemingly impatient, he startled you as he ripped your dress in half.   
Clothes stripped off and tossed away, bodies and emotions stimulated, you were prepared to get lost in James Delaney once again, and this time the Attic will be the sole witness. 

                                         *********************************

_Darkness filled your entire view. Pitch black in fact. Muffled voices from the distance were all that you could hear. Slowly those voices began to grow louder and clearer._

_“Y/N!”_

_“Y/N!”_

_They sounded oh so familiar._

_“Y/N…Hello! Earth to Y/N! Don’t tell me you’re chickening out now!”_  
“Piss off Charlie! It’s just that..it’s cold”   
“Well that’s the point of the dare, silly”   
“Fine Lila! Can I at least keep my top on?”

_Suddenly you felt yourself  immersed in the water, proceeding to drown in the darkness, attempting to swim upwards to reach an unreachable surface. You felt suffocated._

_You blinked. You suddenly found yourself running in the woods, shivering to the core in your wet clothes. You called out for them, those familiar voices._

_“Charlie! Maggie!…”  unaware of your surroundings, you began to fear for the worst._

_“HELP!!”  
_

  
Eyes wide open, you sat up fully awake in an instant. Panting heavily, tears stained your cheeks while beads of sweat covered your body. This was not expected. Not now. After all this time. Crawled in the fetal position, you felt the tears pour down as you began to weep in silence, listening to the crackle of the fire and feeling the cool wooden floor beneath you. 

Wiping your eyes completely, you turned to find James asleep next to you. Contrary to the nightmare you just witnessed, the sight of him brought nothing but comfort to you. And you felt his arm on your shoulder, sleepily bringing you closer to him. 

Leaning forward, you kissed his neck gently, laying your head on his chest as you held on to him. Feeling his grip on you tighten, you felt protected and finally at peace to drift off to sleep, unaware of Delaney slightly opening his eyes to look at you, and the warm, salted liquid that dripped right from his very own eyes.


	11. The Torment

A warmth protected you, contrary to the morning chill, which led to opening your eyes to become quite the difficult task, yet you did eventually for daylight had begun its usual daily recital. You noticed how your head was not at the comfort of Delaney’s chest anymore, instead it merely rested on the wooden floor. Fluttering your eyes open, it dawned on you that you were the only occupant in the Attic. As you moved your head, sheet of cloth crossed your eye line, covering you from shoulder to toe. Stretching out with a yawn, finally made you realize how naked you were underneath that thin material. The simplest stretch, the way your arms innocently brushed against ones own body, was nothing but a sweet reminder of the amorous encounter, which proved to be quite unforgettable. If you were to be completely truthful, any passionate encounter with James Delaney was unforgettable. Quite possibly the most unforgettable you’ve ever experienced in your life. Eyes closed, sleep still lingering, you slowly sat up, covering oneself with the cloth which was non-existent a few hours ago. Despite his lack of presence, the sheet did manage to warm your heart along with your body, for you knew who was responsible.   
Yet a heavy sigh was all you could release. An unresolved issue lingered even deeper. There it all was, the uneasy stomach. That appetite of yours suddenly vanished. There need not another person in the room to inform you of the sombre expression your face was soaked in. You fought with your instincts to not let it soil your morning, finally with you slowly standing up, groaning. Floorboards creaked once again as you walked over to the table, the sounds finally stopped when you stood still, in complete disbelief to find a piece of paper with your name written on it. You cursed in frustration as the cloth slipped off of one shoulder. Wrapping the cloth around your body, you tucked it in properly as you opened the parchment with both hands.   
_Y/N,_  
 _I am out on business matters. Do not be alarmed._  
 _James._   
It was short, but that did not bother you. Emotionally moved was the more accurate term that you managed to feel. James Delaney finally wrote you a note, a letter, whatever it was.  It seems that the discussion about letters last night was no playful ruse for you to be explored by his curious hands, in the detailed fashion that made you blush by the mere reminder of it. Shaking your head, you bent down, your fingers tracing through your dress and undergarments which were torn in half.   
“Damn you Delaney…” you chuckled, biting your lower lip. Your eyes darkened with lust, “…I liked this dress”.  
Thighs rubbing against each other, you wished you could have immersed yourself in that pleasure all over again for all eternity, for that horrid feeling did not seem to leave you yet. The grit in your teeth, the quick breaths you wanted to remove like dusting off the sleeves in a jacket. You needed peace, you needed company, you needed him. But as much as you needed James,  you know an inconvenience will be all that you would be.   
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
As the salty air traveled through your nostrils, you continued on singing softly, leaning back on your arms as you sat on the edge of the dock. As hectic as it sounded nearby with the usual morning routine, this particular place proved comfortable enough for your eyes to feast on the flowing water of the Thames.   
“Been a while since I heard your voice ‘round ‘ere”   
Your mouth formed the biggest smile as Winter sat alongside you, joining you in swinging your legs back and forth over the water. Leaning sideways, you placed your arm around her shoulder, pulling her close in a tight embrace.   
“I missed you Y/N” she said. Finally releasing her from your grasp, you sighed.   
“I missed you too” you replied, looking at her. This presence fortunately seemed to help you ease up a bit. Winter averted her eyes forward.   
“I still remember how you used to sing to me here”   
You chuckled, eager to hear more.   
“I used to think you were an angel” she continued, “…here to make me feel better”   
Clasping your hands, you watched her with adoration, “You really thought that?” She nodded in response, “Ah..I was not aware...” you said, feeling your heart light up. Another layer of warmth over your heart.   
Both of you proceeded to lie back in syncopation, as you stared at the morning sky instead of the water.   
“How is it like...” Winter began, “ …living with James?”  
The explicit yet passionate details surely must be filtered out, you thought. Though Winter grew up with whores, you did not wish to soil the child from your own right.   
“I’ve never felt safer” you replied, finally coming to that realization. Now it all made sense. Winter turned  to face you.  
“He promised me he’d take me to America” she said, smiling with a flicker of hope in those eyes. Looking at her, you smiled.   
“That’s wonderful” you breathed softly, “I’ll surely miss you though...”   
Sitting up, Winter suddenly looked worried, “Why? Are you not coming with us?”   
Your lips parted, yet you were struggling to form an answer. Quite frankly, you did not know. The fact whether you were ever marked to be in Delaney’s company of the damned, to accompany him to the Americas was unmentioned to you.   
“I ...I don’t know..James..he...” you felt like a fool, “...I don’t know” you gave up, as you resumed to stare at the seagulls flying across your eye line.   
Another concern added to the list, and suddenly you were surrounded by enough of them to feel trapped in life. Your past and your future. That horrible turn in your stomach returned with a vengeance .   
Suddenly, your ears were brimmed with the sharp rustle of the leaves. You heard it clear as day, even though no trees existed in the vicinity.    
Foreign chants of a raspy quality filled in your head, and you were not alarmed by it, for it felt too familiar. It was a voice you welcomed with open arms and an open heart. Slowly sitting up, you turned back, breathless by the sight of the figure standing a few feet away. You did not wish to defy when James Delaney beckoned you by his spellbinding stare, you did not have the heart. In fact, it did not take him too long to claim a place of ownership in the land that was your sense of comfort.   Turning back, Winter also took notice of him as you stood up. "I have to go..." you said, facing the teenager, who also got up with you. Somehow, all the sudden you were fascinated by the curious expression Winter wore on her face. Even the soot on her cheeks could not hide the beauty that she truly was. You always knew she would grow up to be an even beautiful woman, and you hoped you would be able to see it and be proud of it. Cupping her cheeks, you placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Thank you for today" you felt quite sentimental, and you wished Winter would understand that later. Amidst the confusion, she still managed to smile.You wanted to smother her with a hug, and you did not hesitate to do so. Winter never complained, she always felt happy in your warmth. "Be careful now..." you quipped, pointing at her as you walked away from her and over to James instead.   
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
The walk was quiet, yet you did not mind. As experience before, sharing silence with him proved to be quite relaxing. You felt it with each step you took, the sound it made. Walking alongside James Delaney was as satisfying as you expected, given this was your first ever time. Every inch of his body you knew with clarity, yet the simplest act of walking beside the man, gave you butterflies still. You took pride even when no living soul was there to watch.   
The need to stretch your fingers, the need to reach out, and hold his hand grew strong. But you were too much of a coward. You wondered, why did hand holding seem to be most intense form of intimacy? You’d willingly allow his own hands to make their presence known to your most secretive mountains, corners and canyons. Therefore the simplistic palms and fingers are far from difficult from a logical perspective. All this you knew, only you were afraid to to feel it. Quickly admitting to cowardice, you resorted to the oldest trick in the book.   
Fortunately, James was agile and quick enough as he leaned in, offering his forearm for you to hold on. A successful result of you conveniently tripping over a rock which was imaginary. Looking at you, he grunted with concern. Embarrassed by your own actions, you could not help but blush.   
“Thank you” you said almost inaudibly. Walking once more, your hold on him remained for a mere few seconds, until you felt guilty to take further advantage. Luckily you managed to pull away the moment the lake was in your view.   
Finally, it was time. Time to sort out the biggest mystery that brought the two of you together.   
With both hands resting on your waist, you stared into the enormous space of water before you. If only anyone knew the effect, the influence this place ever had in you, if only. Anyone could have known, but you made sure not to.   
Turning towards James, you felt as if you were dreaming again. You, James, the lake.   
“What is it?”   
You came to your senses with his inquiry. Shrugging your shoulders, you replied,  
 “ So many questions…” you continued, or at least you attempted to, “I…” you took a deep breath, “…surely there’s magic in the water, isn’t it?”   
He grunted, staring into the lake. This grunt you just couldn’t figure out.   
“Isn’t it?” You sounded desperate, “…clearly something happened when we were in there that day…” you watched him, “ The magic in the water, it …connected us somehow…affecting our dreams and possible consciousness.” You chuckled nervously, “I mean..what… are the possibilities?”  
James still refused to answer you. You grew restless.   
“There you were at that day, in an attempt to connect with someone I imagine…and-”  
“What were you doing there then?”   
He finally replied with an inquiry in turn, walking over to you .You gulped. Not this again. James was no fool to not be aware of how you despised that question as he stood before you, centimeters away. Close proximities with him always weakened you.   
“Quite certain there’s no law against swimming …am I right?” With a raised eyebrow, your clever tongue suddenly came to your rescue. Raising his own eyebrows in return, his gaze pierced in to yours. A few remaining butterflies made their existence known the moment he was about to tear down your walls of lies. An idea suddenly left you feeling adventurous, feeling bold. Your hand did not hesitate to tip the hat off his head.    
“Turn around…” you said, “Close your eyes” you chuckled at his surprised expression, “Please ...” you insisted. You knew James did not favor being told what to do, but you hoped he would comply. And he did, turning back reluctantly with a grunt.  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
His ears were quite sensitive enough to trace hurried movements, quick breaths, and splashes of water.   
“You may turn back now”   
Turning back to face you, James found you to be in the lake instead. Your head being the only part which appeared out of the water.   
“Fancy a swim James?” You teased, playful giggles erupting as you formed a closed mouth smile.  
“You’re mad” he uttered, his position unchanged. You shook your head, “..so I have been told…many many times” you replied, spinning around in the water. “Oh do come over...” you begged, “Imagine you’re dreaming…does not sound so bad, isn’t it?” Your tone changed into somewhat of a lust filled quality, desperate for him to approach you. Your eyes narrowed as if you were focused on something.   
_“James ...”_   
The previously unaffected expression of James was changed, as his eyes widened in an instant. You gasped with glee,   
“You heard it didn’t you?”   
“Seems you have grasped it well ”   
“It appears so...” you replied, excitement swallowing you whole as you watched him strip, all down to his shirt. The sight of him slowly walking into the lake made you wonder, were you really mad to fool around this way? Maybe , or were you simply mad with desperation to distract yourself? Your mind needed a wall to be constructed, and needless to say that wall indeed consisted  layers and layers of your need to reunite with him, physically and spiritually. The devil had made you an addict, craving for him in your every moment of weakness.   
Large ripples formed  around him as he finally halted before you. Unable to contain oneself, you emerged out standing straight.   
You were not mistaken, it did appear to look as if the dream was recreated, as you stood in front of him, water droplets dripping down your body. Your body which was stripped of any form of clothing.   
“Sorry..” you chuckled, “I couldn’t help myself...it just ...had to be done” looked down shyly. Surprised you were to hear a deep hum of amusement from James. Your boldness grew stronger.   
_“We could reenact it…our dream if we want to...”_ looking up at him, you felt yourself speak, with no movement from your lips.   
_“…but we both are fully aware…of the infinite times we have done this already”_ James responded the same, as he inched closer to you. Smiling, you became more at ease with this form of communication.   
_“Yes...”_ you said, chest heaving as the wind howled,  _“But I must confess…there’s nothing I want...”_ lips still pressed tight, your soul uttered,   _“…right now there’s nothing I want more… than to kiss you”_ you felt his eyes leave yours, gazing at your lips, for he heard you loud and clear. Goosebumps all over you as you managed to continue your confession, _“…to kiss you to-”_  
Drawing in a deep breath, you relished the intoxication as James’ lips interrupted yours with what you longed for, and you could never be cross about that. Pulling you close by your shoulders, your dream was sealed to reality. You needed this sweet distraction, which you hoped would turn passionate later on.Your amorous hopes seemed to echo in strongly. Those familiar sparks returned as always whenever your skin welcomed the light brush of his stubble as you placed your fingertips on his face.   
Leaning forward, his grip on your waist tightened as you leaned back quenching your thirst with his lips. You moaned in sheer pleasure when his hands roamed down your back, palms finally resting and pulling on your buttocks. As your tongues entwined, deepening the connection, he lowered himself in order for you to jump up. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you felt his lips break away, quickly settling on your jawline instead.   
The water splashed furiously with the rushed, passionate movements. Rushed it may be yes, but it was indeed comforting. You held on to him by his neck as his fiery kisses traveled down. You were throbbing with the need as his lips brushed over the wet skin of your collarbone, biting, leaving his mark on you. You savored every moment, with your hands running through the top of his head.   
Your hold grew tighter as you felt him turn back to move to the shore. But the man became too greedy to take another step. Especially when his hungry lips reached the curves of your breasts, making you gasp. Your hips rolled, inclined to press your crotch against his stomach, in response to his mouth latching on to each erect nipple. The chilling wind meant nothing to you as you were close to bursting into flames as he suckled on them. As much as you were aching with the need to be thrown on to the shore and be ravished, you needed those lips back as well. The word Greed will not suffice now.   
“James I-”  
Fully aware of what you needed , further words were not required when his lips reunited with yours. The moment he suddenly submerged into the water with you held on to him, your stomach underwent a rush in an instant. Neither air nor water stood in the way of your lips connected to one another. A sense of floating in the depths, gentle currents flowing through your bodies, all this similar to a fantasy. Submerged but safe.  
Until when it suddenly was not. For a few seconds, which felt like eternity.  
A sharp pain forced you to squint your eyes, for there were lights flashing before you.Though your lips were resting on James in safety, you somehow felt your soul to be transported through. A cacophony of voices from the vault of your memories flowed filled your ears. Sorting them all in order was greatly difficult. Until it was not. Until the flashing stopped.   
Akin to an out of body experience, you saw yourself sitting at the dock, your face full of worry.   
_“Blake! Do not do this…” you looked over at the young man sitting next to you “I beg of you”_  
 _“I’m sorry Y/N…” Blake answered, his features were kind and pleasant, “...but I simply cannot let this go. There is a witness, we can testify against them” he sounded eager._  
 _“But you know how they are like…” you held his hand tightly“What if they find out? They won’t take it kindly” your voice began to shake._  
 _Cupping your face gently, he looked into your eyes._  
 _“You’re going to have to trust me”_  
 _“Of course I trust you. It is the others that I’m uncertain of…”_  
 _“Ah…sweet Y/N” he chuckled, thumb brushing against your cheek “Taking everything too seriously…why must you do that as a woman?…”_  
 _“You know I do not care for such talk” you looked cross, making him chuckle even more._  
 _“Forgive me I merely jest-”_  
 _“I love you Blake…” you blurted out, your eyes twinkled as you confessed “Please be safe.Promise me”_  
 _Swooping in, Blake kissed you with heart. With his forehead leaning against yours, he whispered:_  
 _“I promise”_   
Flashing lights invaded your view once more. And you suddenly heard the cries of the seagulls as you saw yourself walking. 

_“Poor lad…so young”_  
 _You stopped dead in your tracks, looking over you saw a crowd of people by the shore a few feet away. Yet another corpse of an unfortunate soul you assumed. Except you couldn’t walk past this scenario._  
 _“Master Farley…”  you called out to him, who stood by with the crowd. The sound of your voice made him turn to you in an instant with a look of fear in his eyes. You slowly walked over to him as you realized he was walking towards you in a hurry._  
 _“Master Farley...” you repeated in a softer tone, “Who is it?”_  
 _“Go home Y/N…nothing for you to see here” he said, his voice filled with authority. You raised your eyebrows with suspicion. This was not his normal behavior._  
 _“What’s going on?” You inquired, in a hushed tone._  
 _“I said go home!”_  
 _You were taken back by his angry tone. But you were convinced that something wasn’t right. Why must he try so hard to not know the victim? Your face turned pale. Unless.._  
 _Pushing him away, you rushed over to the crowd“You’re hiding something from m-”_  
 _“Y/N NO!”_  
 _Breaking through the circle of people, you froze._  
 _“B-Blake?”_  
 _You stared at the familiar features of the man you loved, which have almost disappeared from the deformity and mutilation  it had gone through._  
 _“Blake? ” your lips quivered, bending down slowly._  
 _“No no no no no” your cries getting louder with each word, “Stop this now…wake up...please” shaking his cold shoulders, you begged the beloved one who will not answer ever again. The murmurs in the crowd amplified._  
 _“Is she alright? Poor lass…”_  
 _“BLAKE Wake up…” your world began to crumble down, along with the tears that trickled down your cheeks “Please wake up” your sobs grew louder._  
 _“Y/N! He’s gone…” Farley held you by the shoulders, “Come on…get up!” He implored you in desperation._  
 _“NO…” you fought so hard as he tried to pull you up, “He promised he’d be safe..”,You continued as you sobbed, looking over at Farley, “He promised…” you felt even more broken, “ oh Master Farley” standing up, you embraced William in an instant, muffled cries growing louder with his hand on your head._  
 _“BLAKE!”_

As your eyes were blinded by flashing lights once more, You could not bear to know what followed afterwards. 

_Running, you were running. Wrapped in a dirty cloth, your wet hair around your neck caused you to shiver more as you ran around the docks._   
_“Excuse me...” you cried out, finally catching up to a well dressed gentlemen “Sir..what year is this?”_   
_“I beg your pardon”_   
_“THE YEAR…” you cried out in frustration, finally composing oneself. “What day is it today?”_   
_“What on earth are you going on about?..” the man gave you look of disgust, “Unhand me you savage…” he cried, shoving your hand away._   
_“Savage?” You asked in disbelief, “Why…ah never mind…” holding on to the cloth, you looked around till finally spotting another man reading a newspaper. Standing in front of him, you bent down to read whatever you could read. Till finally your suspicions were cleared._   
_“18…04?” You stuttered, eyes widened. Backing off you blinked twice._   
_“1804?” You muttered to yourself_   
_“What the fuck?”_   
_Panting, you sunk to your knees, looking up at the grey skies._

Again, flashes.

  
 _“Piss off Charlie! It’s just that..it’s cold”_  
 _Finally, clear as day you watched yourself, sunk in the deep, as colors changed from bright to grey. Eyes wide open in fear but helpless, until you kicked yourself up swimming to the surface._  
 _“HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

The flashing stopped and James’ face was all that you saw. The water splashed with intensity as the both of you emerged from the water. Drawing in the deepest breath ever, you pulled away from him, who stared at you with complete shock.   
“Y/N?”   
Stumbling backwards, you found your grounding as the water level decreased and you finally reached the shore. Crawling over like an animal, mud, soil and grass covered your naked frame as you lay down hyperventilating. You felt James watch you helplessly, but the haunting of those memories had the upper hand in your torment.


	12. Denial

You felt the sheer presence of your scalp, as the teeth of the comb ran finely over it. The sound it made across your wet hair relaxed you, allowing your eyes to remain in a blank stare as the entire process became an endless cycle. 

Smooth and uninterrupted, you assumed it be so, until a tangle suddenly made an appearance. A stubborn tangle to be in fact, that did not seem to vanish with your first, nor second or third attempt. The fourth, the fifth and the sixth did not prove to help either. Lastly, the seventh attempt broke your patience, as a loud groan escaped you, clutching your hair in frustration, forcing you to toss the comb hard on the ground in sheer anger. 

Breathing heavily, you faced the mirror, to witness nothing but a mess of a woman in her bedroom. Hair disheveled, tensed muscles found in every inch of your face, followed with a menacing gaze. Sighing, you closed your eyes, displeased. What on earth have you become? Disappointment came over you. Disappointment in your current state, and mostly the disappointment in your behavior displayed a few hours earlier at the lake, especially in the eyes of James Delaney.   
The memory remained fresh. For you, his expression was clear as day. His look of immense confusion as he stood there by the shore watching you constantly. How you got up from the reclining position, to sit up with legs folded close, without a stitch of clothing on you. You averted your gaze with a surprising amount of embarrassment as his eyes never left you. The hyperventilation slowly died down, followed by deep breaths that calmed you within a minute or two. Truthfully, you longed to weep, wail, whatever way to shed the pain and release your state of shock. Yet you did not want to. No, you were embarrassed to. You were no stranger to tears, especially in front of him, but today was not the day. You did not want him to see you in that manner. Little did you know, between your contemplation, James moved about, surprising you as he put his coat over you, warmth spreading as a result. That slight moment was enough for you to feel an overwhelming sense of affection for him. But a sadness crept through simultaneously, for you were unable to appreciate his kind gesture. His grunt made you look up , to find him holding out your clothes as well.

“You’ll catch a cold…” James said, “…if you don’t keep warm”. With a slight nod , you accepted them before he moved  away to dress himself.

Walking back home through the woods was horrid to you in flesh, blood and bone. Though dry clothes enveloped you, the wet hair caused your body to turn into ice. Even the slightest gust of wind made you grit your teeth, thus shivering becoming a default response.

You watched James walk a few feet ahead of you, and given your current circumstance, you favored it greatly, for he was your compass. Amusing it was to think how a few hours ago, you dreamt of walking alongside him, only to suddenly feel more comfortable to walk behind instead. You knew of the reason with clarity, yet did not care to admit it. At least not then.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The growling of thunder brought you back, and you were staring at your disheveled self once more. Silence was nowhere near you, when you were finally made aware of the pouring rain that had begun outside. Mother Nature’s dismal spirit simply mirrored your own, empathizing you fully. With the grey clouds hovering outside and the blue walls surrounding you inside, the chill you felt was not at all surprising.

This feeling of toxicity you certainly did not welcome, and the need to pluck it out instantly was growing strong. This was inevitable. You longed for freedom, now more than ever. Taking a deep breath, you sank on your bed, reclining slowly. 

Whilst your body moved down, you felt yourself unlock, push open the gates. Like the overflow of water collected on the road during rainfall, you allowed that one fateful memory to flow through you, in a small yet endless stream. With your head finally resting on the mattress, you let it play out. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 ** _(10 years ago)_**  
Feeling the earth beneath you did not occur so often for you, therefore you cherished it immensely. Whilst relishing the warm sunlight on your face, you tapped your feet to the rhythmic instrumental song that played through your earphones. The articulate synths contrasted with the nature that surrounded you. Music proved to be essential even at leisure. For you, life had been hectic with the extra vocal rehearsals, especially with the much awaited competition looming. Thus, an impromptu session of sneaking out for an hour to unwind seemed like a lifetime of freedom.

Your eyes may have been closed, but the ears seemed exceptionally sensitive, when the melodic synths suddenly sounded to be invaded with a muffled voice in the background. Before you could even question it, an earphone was tugged out of your ear by sheer force, thus allowing the muffled voice to become a loud, clear one.

“Hello! Earth to Y/N!” The voice deafened you, “Where the bloody hell were you?”

You opened your eyes, squinting through the sunlight to find it was Charlie and Lila, your two best friends watching you, each wearing an amused look on their faces.

“In another time period…” you joked, with a smirk, “And trust me, it was sooo relaxing without you Charlie, no joke”

“Hahaha” the young man with the sandy hair replied in a mocking tone, “Well…” he continued, pulling you up amidst your groans of protest, “a time without me it must be boring as hell”   
“Too much of confidence doesn’t look good on you Charl…”   
You broke into laughter upon hearing Lila’s reply in kind.   
Watching Charlie stick out his tongue childishly, you finally recovered from your laugh. These two have been with you through thick and thin all the way through secondary school. A life without them seemed impossible.   
“Alright alright..we don’t have much time. Come on…Let’s do something funnnn! How about Truth or Dare??” Lila asked with much excitement.  
“What??…come on!! We’re 18…Grow up Lila!” Clearly you were not enthusiastic.   
Lila scoffed, “Well it’s not our fault you’re an old soul Y/N…” she complained, with her arms folded.   
“Yeah Don’t be such a twat now”   
“Fine fine” you said, chuckled afterwards as you dusted off your hands.   
“Truth or Dare”   
“Ah bloody hell…Dare!” You found yourself answer. And truthfully, you did not know why, especially when you saw their faces light up in glee.   
“Then I…” Charlie began instantly, interrupting Lila, “…dare you…to jump in to that lake”   
Your jaw dropped in shock, “Wha? You’re pulling my leg aren’t you?”   
“No, I’m serious …” he replied with a naughty smile.

Walking over, you stared out into the water with much concern. This had nothing to do with your proficiency swimming, you knew enough to get by and survive. But the sudden daring acts of immaturity was never your cup of tea. You regretted your dare instantly.

“Oh…hohoho…Don’t tell me you’re chickening out now!”   
“Piss off Charlie! It’s just that..it’s cold. It’s still spring After all”   
“Well that’s the point of the dare, silly”   
“Fine Lila! Can I at least… keep my top on?”

Amidst their cheers you sighed, slowly easing yourself out of your blue denim jeans, fearful of the chilling wind that might clash with yours bare legs, but thankful for your long blouse that managed to cover your essentials. Backing away slightly, their encouraging cheers still lingered in the air.

“I really hope I don’t get a cold” you muttered to yourself, as you started running over, taking a deep breath before finally, jumping into the water. With a splash you dove in deep.

Instead of swimming up, you decided to remain inside a bit longer, hoping to finally scare them off for a change. The years of breath control in singing certainly seemed helpful as you observed. Surpassing your expectations, you were at peace in the depths, looking up at the surface. The sunlight filtering through the water to fall on your face, certainly made it more tranquil, thus cheering you on.  
Charlie’s voice of concern sounded muffled through the water. Clearly, it was time to end this.   
Except when everything afterwards obstructed you to do so.

A sharp pain appeared in your head, making you squint as a result. The attempt to swim up was moot for you were stuck by a force of some kind. Looking up was the only option , and what you witnessed was what you could not believe.

Time seemed to have sped as you watched the sunlight engulfed by the clouds, darkening the skies. Changing unnaturally fast, you suddenly felt suffocated. Questions arose in your head.   
Was this the end?   
Was death finally coming for you ?   
But finally, you felt life come back to your feet, allowing you kick them and swim up to reach the surface with much haste. The water splashed furiously as your head appeared out the lake, your lungs taking in the biggest amount of air. A non existent chill suddenly grew inside you when you realized, nothing looked the same anymore.   
More trees surrounded you with a murkier atmosphere, nothing familiar.   
And worst of all, no one familiar.   
Where was Charlie? And Lila? You stumbled out of the water, shivering as you looked around. All your possessions gone, friends out of sight. Was this a horrible dream? Time was not at all wasted when you set off, running into the dark woods, feeling the earth on your bare feet.   
“Charlie! Lila! Mum! Dad!”   
You did not hesitate to call out all those who came to mind, for it was simple. Cold, engulfed with loneliness and fear, you did not blame the tears that streamed down your cheeks.   
You walked, you ran, you scrambled through the woods, long enough till you finally found yourself in front of a small farm house, which appeared to look old-fashioned to your experience. This certainly was not of the norm. Were you possibly crazy? You thought, for your surroundings definitely described itself to be underdeveloped.

Knocking on the door frantically, you prayed for the door to be opened along with some answers. But it did not. Wet, cold and indecent with just your long blouse on, you felt the natural urge to grab the first piece of clothing you could find, that was hung out to dry outside. Covering yourself with the gray rag, you resumed walking further, hoping to find civilization, hoping to go back home.

As you stood, gazing upon the Palace of Westminster from afar, you wondered whether you accidentally stepped on to a period reenactment event. Modern architecture was non existent, and so was electricity.

Could it be? A fearful revelation came over you, except you did not have the heart to confirm it. Searching for a good Samaritan for answers was not at all helpful.   
_“Excuse me…Sir..what year is this?”  
“I beg your pardon?”  
“THE YEAR… What day is it today?”  
“What on earth are you going on about?..Unhand me you savage…”   
“Savage? Why…ah never mind…” _  
Newspaper, that was what you needed, and found one you did at last. Those numbers printed seemed so clear.   
_“1804? What the fuck?”_  
Sinking on to the floor, you knew. This was no nightmare. That fearful revelation you dared not admit, finally was your reality.

**_(Present)_ **

A single tear came trickling down your face the moment you opened your eyes once again. Even a decade later, this memory that you had locked away managed to haunt you still. Amusing how each action and decision could form your destiny.   
_Where was Charlie when you needed him?_ You thought, sighing.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The rain continued with the similar intensity, as you stood by the window, staring out. Never during these 10 years were you ever compelled to reveal your true origins to anyone. Not a single soul. Not even Blake, who you were very much prepared to spend your life with a few years ago.

Hence, why exactly was that you were unable to hold your head up high, and do the same with James Delaney? Why could you not put it behind you, and be at pretense as you always were? Why did a part of your conscience longed to come clean to him? You were simply contradicted.

Distraction, that was what you needed. Exhaling deeply, you smoothened your almost dried hair, before walking towards the bedroom door. It did not take you long to step in to the hallway, suddenly to find James’s figure coming down the attic. The mere image of him drove you back to the room in a flash, hiding behind the wall with nervousness, your heart racing fast. The creaking of the wooden floors stopped, he had paused.   
_Y/N?_  
His voice rang within you. He called for you. As difficult as it was, you remained quiet in every way possible, unable to answer him, even though a part of you wished you could. With bated breath, you waited, until the creaking resumed. Peeping out slowly, a part of you was relieved to find the hallway empty, signaling you to get down to the kitchen with haste.

In the kitchen, you were quiet as you could be, no effort given to attempt conversation or pretend enthusiasm as you helped Brace with the preparing of dinner. So transfixed on each each task you were assigned to, you failed to notice James’ silent presence by the foot of the stairs, as he watched you with concern, long enough to arouse a look of confusion from Brace.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

James Delaney was not the man to give up so easily. You were finally convinced of it without a shed of doubt when you opened your eyes, to find yourself waist deep in water, surrounded by the rustle of the wind driven trees as he stood right before you, visiting you in your dreams, which was nowhere near unusual.   
If it were any other night, he’d be your savior, exciting you, arousing you, finally relieving you to satisfaction. But tonight begged to differ, for even in your dreams, you felt nothing but embarrassment, discouraging you to look him in the eye, averting your gaze down.   
_“Y/N…talk to me…what is the matter?”_  
His lips did not move, but you could hear him. His hand grazed your bare shoulder in desperation, in hopes to comfort you. But instead, you were quick to back away.   
_“Not now James…please”_  
Your pleading voice echoed in reply, as your eyes remained averted. Refusing Delaney was a first, for he was admittedly your weakness. But the scar felt deep enough, along with your cowardice. Looking up finally, you felt your heart break upon the sight of his expression, that was filled with genuine concern. Frustrated, you dove back in to the water, deep enough to disappear, letting the darkness take you over, praying to finally wake up.   
Staring at the ceiling, you sighed as you covered your face with disappointment.     
_I’m sorry James._  
Somewhere out there, you hoped he’d hear you. Turning to your side, you closed your eyes, praying you will drift off to a slumber so deep, no dream could reach you.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You opened your eyes, feeling well rested as the morning finally embraced you. Contrary to yesterday, the weather outside proved to be sunnier in turn, as the sunlight streamed through the window on to your bed. Getting up, you proceeded to get dressed, tempting yourself to step outside for a stroll, with a strong hope to clear your head. 

James was absent this morning, you could tell in an instant. And the lack of his energy in the Delaney household was noticed, making your heart heavy somehow, contradicting your wish to avoid him in your shame. Feelings can be indeed be strange. 

“You hungry lass?”

Brace’s voice suddenly startled you, as you gripped on to the railing of the stairs.   
“Brace …” you began, “Good morning. I…uh…I’m not so hungry today… no” your answer seemed quite unprepared.

“Well it’s far from morning, lass” Brace eyed you with concern, “ …and you haven’t eaten anything last night either…” you pressed your lips with guilt. He was right. “…disappearing into your room right before dinner. Whats wrong? Did James upset you somehow?” He asked.   
“No he can never ….” you answered softly, for you knew you were to blame. “I…I’ll be out for a bit” you said, as you moved towards the door. Your unusual behavior was evident enough to rouse suspicion. As you opened the door, you knew that clearly you needed that stroll more than ever.   
“Y/N!”   
You were startled once again, by the sight of Michael Godfrey running over to you.   
“Michael…” you said, watching your friend stop in front of you,  “What’s the matter?”   
“James …” he panted, “Where is he?”   
You paused, for you did not know “Uh he’s not at home…” you struggled, “Michael! what’s wrong? Tell me! ”   
“Farmer Ibbotson…” he said, “…he has confessed about the gunpowder”   
You gasped, eyes widening with shock.   
“Apparently, he has confessed to a priest. The Company…they know” Godfrey said, his voice laced with fear.

All that effort, gone down to waste in the end.

_What is going on?_

The familiar voice rang in your head. You suddenly looked  ahead to find James, standing by the gate. Noticing his presence, Godfrey did not hesitate to run over to him.

“Weren’t you heading out?” Brace said, coming out,  surprised to still find you there.

You did not answer, for you merely could not. Words did not form in you for only fear did.   
The fear, and the concern you held for James’ plan. And more importantly, his life.


	13. Bare

Never had you set foot in that farmhouse, nor have you seen the man known to be Farmer Ibbotson, nor even witnessed the gunpowder being in production. Yet you were well aware of its importance to Delaney’s plan. Clearly this was key to making a deal with the Americans for safe passage out of England. Therefore, the mere idea of all this careful planning, possibly crumbling down,  sounded terrible enough.   
  
Rubbing your hands together, you stood there on the front steps, watching James grip Godfrey by the collar in a dangerous fashion, yet speaking to him in a soft tone, his voice barely reached your ears. As he finally released the young man from his grasp, James’ eyes locked with yours from afar. His piercing gaze never failed to stop you in your tracks. So there were you stood, breathless, with your mind wide open, hoping his soul would address you again.   
  
Except he did not.   
  
For after a mere three seconds, you saw him walk away. Brisk movements leading him as he disappeared out of your sight. And in that window of time, you swore you felt a piece of your heart crack, and was at the risk of breaking.   
  
You kept your gaze fixed on the road while you slowly walked down the steps. You could have helped, somehow. You could have run up to him, you could have run after him, you could have assisted him in any possible way as you always hoped. But clearly, you chose to avoid him at the wrong time, and there you were facing the consequences. Nothing but pure uselessness. A piece of you feared greatly of the possible influence your stubbornness may have caused, thus hurting him indirectly, which would have created a great misunderstanding between the two. Could you have by chance, soiled the possible relationship you have managed to cultivate with James Delaney? All because of your pride?   
  
“Y/N”  
Godfrey’s gentle hand on your shoulder made you focus once again.   
“Oh Y/N...” He said, voice filled with despair,  
“What are we to do now?”   
  
You gulped, holding his hand as you pressed your lips, wearing a brave face.   
  
“Go home Michael...” you whispered, “No one must know of your involvement...”   
  
“That was what James said” he said.   
  
You smiled tightly, “Well he’s right” you said, “Be safe please”   
  
As you watched Michael Godfrey run off, the sense of helplessness haunted you even more. Suddenly a walk outside did not seem to be the best decision. Wiping your palms with the sides of your dress, you slowly walked back inside. Conflicted was your emotion when you realized how useless you felt inside as well. But with the sudden growl of your stomach, hunger came into the rescue as the perfect distraction. And you did admit, there was barely any life in you nor sustenance to rejuvenate you.   
  
Walking over to the table, you cried out:   
“Brace! Is the breakfast offer still on the table?”   
\- - - - - - - - -  - - - -  - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -  - -   
You tore off the piece of bread into little pieces, while mindlessly chewing the food. You maybe fending off your hunger at the dinning table, but simultaneously you were  completely lost in your thoughts elsewhere. And Brace was sure to take notice  of it as he sat across from you.   
  
“Eat well lass...” his said, “…the day we may get hanged for treason won’t be too far...” his voice, directed your attention back to reality.   
  
A witty response did not come to you then. The blind optimism you had about Delaney’s plan was strong enough, never did you stop to ponder of the possible failures that might follow. You did not want to give up, yet you were still concerned. But most importantly, you were concerned about a greater matter.   
  
Taking a sip of your tea, you looked over to the older man.   
“Secrets ...”   
You began, “What do you make of them , Brace?”   
  
For a split second, you were certain Brace’s face turned gaunt, which surprised you.   
“What are you going on about lass?” The man inquired in an irritating tone.  
  
Putting your tea cup back, you continued.   
“Do you reckon...some secrets are best kept hidden?” You said, “…even from those close to you?”   
Speechless, Brace appeared confused as you continued even further.   
  
“For example…What if you’re at this point in life, where you’re suddenly compelled to be free from it? What do you think Brace?”   
“For gods sakes!” Brace snapped, “What nonsense is this? Clearly you’re going mad just like James…” he said, as he stood up from his seat.   
Surprised by his reaction, you were not hesitant to defend yourself. “It is nothing but a simple premise, Brace” you said, your tone calm yet matching up to his, “Why must it seem so difficult to answer?”   
Pausing for a few seconds, you felt the aura loosen, as he gathered his composure.   
“Your talk of secrets is none of my concern lass…” he said calmly, as he leaned over to the table, “All that you need to know, all that matters, is my loyalty to the Delaneys. And all that I do will only be in their best interests”   
  
You remained in your seat, frozen with realization as Brace proceeded to clean up. Though his answer seemed vague, the message was clear.  For as of now, the uncertainty of life grew stronger.   
  
And as much as you feared it, you knew what you must do.   
\- - - - - - - - -  - - - -  - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -  - -   
Hours felt like forever, and waiting was torture. Sitting by the fireplace, your eyes remained fixed on the erupting flames while a heavy bound book lay on your lap. Reading was indeed an effective way to pass the time, as it was known, yet it proved to be difficult for you.   
Your lips moved silently, while your gaze remained intact.  The speech you had memorized, and had rehearsed it throughout the entire afternoon. And finally as darkness grew and night time arrived, the deepest corner in your heart prayed for him to return. Strong was your anticipation, you could picture him among the bright flames of warmth, his dark figure staring back at you. Perhaps he might return tonight, perhaps he may not.   
Nevertheless, you were adamant to wait, stay awake till the temptation of sleep would seduce you.  
\- - - - - - - - -  - - - -  - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -  - -  
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?"   
James’ voice reached your ears, startling you out of the sudden. You turned to find him standing there.   
Relieved to see him alive, you smiled.   
“I was waiting… for you”   
A nonchalant tone was attempted, but clearly it was a failed one.   
  
Grunting in acknowledgement, James looked around, as he took off his hat.    
“And Brace?”   
“He went to bed, on my insistence of course...” your smile grew tighter, as you stood up, walking towards him.   
“Well, your insistence is no doubt convin-”  
James was interrupted, as you embraced him.  
You were well aware he was out, settling important matters at hand, which you completely understood. Yet you will admit the relief you experience to see him in front of your eyes again.   
Not only that, you missed him, terribly. You did long enough.   
Regardless of his surprised reaction, you held him tight enough to remember his frame. And the moment his gloved palm eventually rested on the small of your back, you felt the gates slowly open.   
  
“James...” you said, your eyes averted down shyly as you pulled away.   
It was time, finally time.  
Taking a deep breath, your mouth parted.  
 Yet no words were present.    
“James...” you repeated.   
 But nothing further could exit.   
You felt your heart beat out of your chest stronger than it ever did before.   
10 years, it had been too long, the weight your heart carried had become too heavy, you wanted it no more. You needed freedom. More importantly, you longed freedom alongside him. If he ever accepted it.   
Clenching your fists, you looked up.   
Except that you froze.   
  
His eyes, Blue, they made your heart almost weep on its own. And suddenly, you were reminded of all the ounces of affection you had invested in this man.   
Those nights you were kept company, those night you were kept safe even before meeting, you could not forget. Reminded you were suddenly, how he brought you back emotions you forbade yourself to feel since Blake. At that moment, you were reminded how life here felt whole again, knowing he was there in your life and in your heart. How he became the only man to whom you wanted and was prepared to reveal your secret that simply defined who you were altogether.   
  
And within a split second, your inner voice knew what exactly to say.   
I need you...just take me.   
  
Looking down, your chest heaved slowly as you took your time, gingerly removing the leather gloves that covered his hands.  
But your trance was suddenly broken, as you felt a strong force when James gripped you by the wrist. You realized he merely heeded to your state desire, as he pushed you against the wall, ready to have his way with you.   
  
Except this time, it was he who froze, when his eyes locked in yours.  
Panting, you inhaled deeply as you took a step forward, closing off the space between the two of you.   
Butterflies in chaos, you placed your hands on his chest, gaining balance as you leaned forward.   
Until your lips finally rested on his.   
  
You kissed him with such tenderness, you wished it was your first. With such emotion, as if you in an attempt to weave a message, that words could not do justice to. If only he knew.   
  
Unwillingly, your body forced your lips to part with his. To your relief, you did not pass a single centimeter as James chose to object, pulling you back as his lips responded back in kind, except with more gusto. You felt him lift you up, and gave in willingly, wrapping your legs around his waist. Kissing continuously, you immersed yourself in his musk as he carried you to the bedroom.   
  
The undressing was hurried yet not animalistic, thus the sound of tearing off clothes became non existent. Clothes were swiftly removed, piled up in a corner. Quite surprised you were by the cooperation shown by James as he complied throughout the entire time. Watching you with sharp eyes, he attempted to read you. But you were simply quiet. For your heart was on your sleeve, and your eyes proved it well.  
  
You did not wish to be ravished, instead you merely wished to love and to be loved. Your fingernails did not dig into his back in pleasure, instead your fingertips held on to it with care.   
  
Tonight no marks were made of ownership, instead scars of the past were tended with endless kisses.   
  
Tonight you knew not of lust, truthfully never have heard of it. Tonight you were merely bathed in purest form of affection. Tonight you were the most grateful, tonight you worshipped him.   
The devil he may be to others, but he still remained the devil who saved you.   
  
Tonight every kiss your lips shared, every touch that your bodies indulged, were carved into your memory. For tonight you made love to James Delaney as if it was your last time, for you were certain you were sure to lose it all by tomorrow.   
\- - - - - - - - -  - - - -  - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -  - -   
James’ arm was akin to a warm blanket, tightly wrapped around you as you both lay close tighter side by side. And you were happy to discover that in your waking moment in the morning that dawned.   
  
Slowly sitting up, removing his arm, you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. In any other day given, you would have taken the liberty, savoring the peaceful nature of the sleeping figure of James Delaney. But the heart need not more pain. As you stared at the wall before you, you took in the final possible moments of peace, before all could crumble down in front of you.   
  
“I know you are trying to tell me something"   
  
So he was awake after all. A deep breath escaped you with a shiver.   
His voice, so mesmerizing, shook you to your core, to the point you realized how naked you were.   
And there it went, your beating heart, in its fastest.   
  
“James…" you began, “…there’s something i have to tell you...about me”   
You said, turning to him, “About who i really am...”   
You inhaled deeply, “I-”  
“I know”  
James replied. Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion.   
“No, you don't understand. I-”  
"I know..." he said, as he sat up alongside you, his gaze fixed on you.   
  
"I know, you're from another time"   
\- - - - - - - - -  - - - -  - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -  - -  
Your eyes could not grow bigger than it did, the moment you heard James utter those words out loud.   
"You know?” You whispered, “...already?”  
This certainly was unimaginable.   
“But..but how?" You inquired in desperation.   
Until it finally dawned on you, of what you suspected in the corners of your mind.   
“Could it be at the lake? Yesterday?”   
James nodded, grunting in agreement.  
“Why did you not tell me?” You inquired, as you watched him raise his hand.   
“It seemed quite clear you preferred I did not know” he replied, “We are connected, are we not?” He said, as his thumb grazed over your skin from your forehead to your cheek. “Yes…we are. And I shared that with you, without…my…knowledge” you uttered, as you paused with each word, relishing the waves of pleasure that flowed through you with his slightest touch. But it did not distract from you the matter at hand.   
"So...you know...” you began, “...a-aand?" you stuttered, in a concerning tone.   
James took his hand away “…and what?" It was his turn to inquire.   
"And it does not...bother you?" Your voice turned meek, fearful of what’s to come next.   
His eyes remained sincere yet serious as he gave you  his reply.    
"Why should it?"   
  
Never did it cross your mind how this would turn out to be such a simple of a matter. Normally it should not. But it seems it was only so with James Delaney.   
  
Falling back to your pillow, a huge sigh of relief left your lips. The loudest one so far. As if you just released the heaviest burden, as if you were ten times lighter.   
And finally,  you were able to blink, to breath, to be like yourself once again.   
  
For the first time, someone finally knew. And finally it was someone you were willing to open yourself to, in every way possible.   
  
Suddenly you laughed in disbelief of all this. You laughed, yet at the same time, tears pooled around your eyes. The warm salty water trickling down your cheeks. Sniffing, you gathered the strength to wipe the tears off whilst James watched you.   
\- - - - - - - - -  - - - -  - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -  - -  
  
“Which year?”  
You chuckled, “...almost two centuries ahead...” you replied.   
James grunted in acknowledgment. This morning turned out to be a long one, as both of you remained in bed, legs folded as you sat face to face.  
“How did you manage to survive in the beginning?” He inquired.   
Scratching your arm, you looked up as you recalled,  
“ …walking around in complete disbelief, certainly did help waste away a few hours...but after that, practicality was essential. And it was not easy” you said,   
“I may not look it, but where I come from, I am an English citizen. The world evolved…eventually. People from around the world would settle in all parts of the world. That’s…quite a long story. But the point is, here, there was very little possibility of seeking help or shelter from just anyone” chuckling, you continued, “ Most would be disgusted or appalled to see someone like me. And eventually, I had no choice but to turn to the nearest whore house I could find. And sure enough, I felt more welcomed and was even spared some shelter for a few days. I had no money, so household chores it was my form of repayment.”   
  
You chuckled even further, “From that day on I began to develop more respect and sympathy to any woman or man in that occupation...”   
“And Godfrey?”   
You smiled, “… a few weeks later, I came across him one night...ended up saving him from some horrid men...a happy accident of course ” you stressed, “I suppose... I could call him a dear friend since then...” you said, “Thankfully to him, I was fortunate enough to find permanent employment...with Mr. Farley and all”   
Staring in to the distance, you let out a sigh, “10 years...” you said, “10 years James...” you wiped your face.   
  
“Before I ...I had a good life. My family was well to do. I had hopes to excel in music...”   
“Hence the singing...”  
You nodded , “…exactly ...” you continued, “ I admit I was fortunate to be alive all this time, but...10 Years...I’ve been stuck. I was young, I was helpless, not a single living soul I knew of was there...” Your voice broke, as the images of your family and your friends flashed before you, “...nor was there any means of communicating with them. The nights I cried, the tears I shed….endless.” you felt your cheeks warm up with tears once more  “I ...I was this close” you said, as your fingers held on to a space of air no larger than a centimeter, “…this close ...to insanity. Pretense was all I ever did, all this time. I could not speak the way I used to, I could not express as I used to, and whenever I accidentally did...I was ...the madwoman, the outcast”   
  
Shifting away, you slowly climbed out of the bed, your naked figure casually walking to your dresser as you picked up the old leather bound book. Turning to the page, you climbed back into bed, inching closer to James as you showed him:   
1804 – fail  //// //// //// ///  
1805- fail  //// //// //// //  
1806- fail  //// //// //  
1807- fail  //// //// //  
1808- fail  //// ////  
1809- fail  //// ///  
1810- fail  //// /  
1811- fail  ////  
1812- fail  ////  
1813- fail  //  
1814- fail  /  
“I figured the lake would be the gateway. Every year I tried.”   
You said, as you tore off the page, and looked at it.   
“I hoped...somehow if I try hard enough, I’d make it.” You said, “ The number of attempts may have dwindled, yet I did not give up” you continued,  surprised as James placed his hand on your head. “I searched around, far and wide. Gypsies, witches, there was no one that I ignored. And they saw my desperation more than anyone else, because in front of them, I was the most helpless. It was not that they did not believe me. Just that...they could not see the possibility of helping me”   
The memories played in your head so vividly, and James was surely a member of the audience.   
You scoffed, “Where I am from…we used to read works of fiction, about traveling through time. And the hero, he would always find a way back” Sighing, you said, “10 years have passed, no wonder it was all fiction. Just moot”   
Interruptions was certainly not on James’ agenda, for he remained listening to you.   
“Trapped for 10 years...Do you know what it’s-“ you suddenly paused,   
“…actually…you do" you said, correcting yourself.   
“I do” James replied.   
“Being in Africa for almost 10 years, away from your home, away from your loved ones. You do know what it was like." You said, coming to the realization of the empathy the two of you have the possibility of sharing.   
"But 10 years later, I did come back" you heard him say. As if a thread of hope would be infected.   
"Yes you did, because you could” you said. “You were a mere dead man before you set foot back here, yes. But even if there was...a possibility…for me" you continued, suddenly getting lost in James' eyes, sinking your heart to a heavy place.    
"...now that i have this ..." you said, fingers reaching out to touch his face, trailing through his scar.   
"I really don’t  know...” You felt James breath into your fingers, “...if i ever want to return now”  
  
"Then...don’t "   
  
You gasped upon his honest reply. His words were like fire to you, warming your heart, and igniting whatever had died in you. Especially, one important thing in particular: Hope.   
  
Moved beyond words, you found yourself kissing him once again. Leaning forward, a hand wrapped around his neck as you straddled him, your kisses continuing with such earnest. You felt his own hands slither around your bare waist, pulling you closer as he responded with a growl.   
  
Flipping you back down to the bed, you stared at the man who accepted you,  who set you free. The parchment remained in your hand as newfound passions were about to be explored. As James entered you, you welcomed it with all your heart. And as those passions grew heated, you felt the parchment crumple up between your fingers till it left your grip falling out the bed. And for the first time, you did not care for it.   
For you were finally bare for James Delaney to see, and yet he still remained beside you.


	14. Choices

Despite the morbid skies, your heart shone bright in protest. As if a little sun of its own was birthed in you, rays of light shone through your being, and you easily failed to resist it. 

The pot of soup bubbled away in the stove with much vigor as you walked from one corner of the kitchen to the other. The sounds of chopping mixing, stirring and washing were accompanied by soft melodic hums that proceeded to grow louder.   
A tune you have not sung in ages , had suddenly returned to you. Humming it was your only form of celebration, singing it with enthusiasm later on. You were trapped in nothing but a state of euphoria, and objections you had none. Your body finally seduced by the rhythm, it began to move in a manner which caused you laughter. This felt familiar yet simultaneously unfamiliar. You had not danced like you used to in quite a long time. Deeply immersed in this overjoyed state, you were plainly oblivious to the fact there was a secret audience, namely Brace. Assuming you had shooed him away, you remained blind as he had secretly defied your request, and watched you his jaw dropped. The man himself returned to his senses the moment he felt James Delaney stand next to him. The two men were surely entertained by this sudden energetic change of behavior and these foreign movements from the woman who had made herself at home here.   
"Wonder what madness has gotten into her head this time?" Brace muttered, attempting to hide his amusement.   
James merely responded with a soft smile, for he indeed knew why.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As your eyes followed James Delaney's figure pass through the crowds in the market by the docks, you were once again reminded of the excitement you felt by the mere sight of him. 

Offering Brace some time off, you took advantage of this joyous state of mind , volunteering to step out of the house to fetch some much needed ingredients. Seeing him out and about later on simply added more fuel. You may see him everyday at home, you may find yourself waking up next to him, yet you were affected the same way every single time. His swagger in his attire and hat, never failed to capture your attention. And given the most recent incident, you could not help but feel the intimacy grow between the two of you. At last, someone to share your secret. 

The pondering seemed to gather visible attention from the people around, especially when you stood frozen by the butcher, holding a piece fresh meat. And even James Delaney managed to stop in his tracks, just so he could turn towards your direction, locking eyes several feet away. With a slow nod, you both acknowledged each other, as he proceeded to walk towards where his ship was docked. 

"Are ya finally gonna buy that miss?"   
Embarrassed by the chuckling Butcher, you laughed nervously.   
"Eheh...maybe later" you replied, handing the piece back to him.   
The neigh of horses caught your attention once again, looking over to find a carriage stop in front of Delaney. Words were exchanged, and the carriage departed. A concerning feeling came over you, was it East India? Americans? 

A deafening noise forced you to cover your ears, while you simultaneously caught the glimpse of something being engulfed by a grey cloud.

An explosion, surely. 

To your horror, it was the ship. His ship. In the midst of crowds clamoring with fear, you stood motionless, unable to fathom of what just happened.   
The gunpowder, it was kept there after the farmer Ibbotson situation in hopes of avoiding trouble. 

Unfortunately trouble had come lurking by regardless.   
Could it be that the East India had found out? 

And just as you thought the sun was shining your way to your life.   
You were relieved to find Delaney unharmed. White smoke filled the area, yet his dark figure remained to be visible through it all.   
_"Y/N"_  
Your ears suddenly grew extremely sensitive to his voice. Looking over, you found Delaney's gaze on you.   
_"Go home...now"_  
 _"No James..."_ you fought back as you gulped, _"Not without you"_  
"Miss..." French Bill's voice suddenly startled you from behind, forcing you to face him.   
"...You better go home"   
Turning back to his direction, you shook your head at Delaney.   
_"Why...James, why?"_  
 _"You're a weakness...."_ His voice echoed in your heart.   
You sighed, turning join French Bill,  
 _"....my weakness"_  
You froze, leaving your heart to suddenly grow three times heavier by those simple words. Pressing your lips, you followed Bill through the bustling crowd, silently wishing for the only thing that seemed important to you at that moment: the safety of James Delaney. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Slamming the door behind you, you made your way to the settee. Exhaling deeply in frustration, you sank down, hands clasped together, allowing your thumb to rub the palm of the other hand while your legs shook nervously.   
Admittedly so, you were no influencer of any kind in this situation. You were no politician nor a person of power. You were in no relation to finances nor science, in order to provide knowledge of some kind. You were merely a proficient in an art form, which simply seemed moot in this regard. Clicking your tongue, a sense of powerlessness came over you, for you despised being so useless all the time.   
All that you could really do was to hope. To hope for the best.   
Hours passed, and then arrived nighttime, yet no sign of James once more. Could it simply be that he was taking care of things that was possible solving? You wondered if he had a contingency, for he always did.   
The armchair by the fireplace had been in your ownership of recent. Your concerns took control of you and Brace took notice of it, by the little appetite you had during mealtimes. These fluctuations of emotions were indeed burdensome.   
Staring into the fire, strong desperation urged you to search for him through the flames as your heart called out,  
"James"  
Only the sounds of the crackling flames filled your ears, driving you further into hopelessness. Opening your eyes wider, you stared even deeper, until they finally grew tired enough to droop, causing you to fall into slumber. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The union of the howling winds and the rustling leaves signaled you to open your eyes, in to the dream sphere.

As always, you saw him. He stood before you. Still waters surrounding, you were relieved to find him here.

Except he appeared quite different.   
_"James?"_  
Head bowed down, he did not respond, which surprised you considering the brave and prepared stance he always was in.   
_"James ..."_ you asked, _"what is the matter?"_  
Ripples formed as you inched closer to him.   
_"Are you alright?"_  
Reaching out, you held his face. You tilted it up for to see. And as far as you could tell, his eyes appeared to look weary, or possibly intoxicated.   
Was it a surprise to know that he had been drinking his troubles away somewhere?   
_"Ja-..."_ you paused, as his half open eyes looked over to you,  
 _"...don't worry..."_ you said _"all will be fine...you will figure it out. You always do..."_ your lips attempted a smile as a form of encouragement ,   
_"Please come home..."_  
Still, no response.   
_"Please James..."_ you insisted, leaning in closer, _"I miss you..."_ you whispered almost inaudibly, your lips closing in with his. You were foolish enough to want to kiss him right to his senses. And you failed, when your eyes blinked open to reality, to the sight of the crackling fire.

Sighing deeply, you rubbed the sleep off your eyes, still resolute in your need to wait for his return.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Curses flew out your lips, realizing night had disappeared, and you slept through most of it. Clearly exhaustion took your hand and guided you in to the dawn.   
Finally, your feet automatically found itself on the floor, getting up in a flash, the sleep in your eyes practically non existent.   
Could James possibly have returned? Racing upstairs, you were filled with anticipation. You searched high and low, moved so fast you were sure to get dizzy, yet nothing, no one.

His name danced across your lips like an incantation while you washed your face.   
The door creaked loudly as it bursted open downstairs. Heading to the stairs instantly, a part of you almost believed your made believe spell was close to materializing. Your heart was finally refreshed as your face, the moment you saw James Delaney.

Although Your began to fade slowly to your surprise.   
Mud covering half of his face, a traumatized expression covered the other half.   
"James?"  
Stopping in his tracks by the sound of you voice, he turned to you.   
"What is it?" You asked.   
Slowly looking into your eyes, you swore his own purely hinted desperation.   
And the words that reflected his said desperation did not fail to shatter your heart, and force you to sink to the floor right after.   
_"Winter"_

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

You wished that she was jesting. You hoped she would get up from that boat to surprise you all.   
Sadly, that was merely your wishful thinking.

Amidst the words uttered by the Priest, you preferred your ears to drown in the sounds of the waves instead. You could wear nothing but a grave expression on your face, for you did not have the heart to express anymore.   
Standing beside Helga by the shore, your arrival to Winter's funeral was certainly unannounced, and by Helga's reaction, it was certainly not welcomed.   
But grief was too strong amongst all, so in the end there were no objections.

A slight warmth trickled in your heart, and you knew why, as soon as you saw Delaney appear in the corner of your eyeline, standing from a distance, being a silent participant.

Prayers were recited, final farewells were bid, and you could do nothing but watch Atticus drag the boat with Winter to the ocean, her final resting place.

"I will never forgive him..." Helga began, under her breath, "...for what he did"   
"Helga..." you said softly in protest , sighing as the woman ignored you, walking away in a cold manner.   
And just as an illusion, James had disappeared as well, leaving you to your lonesome.

You may have not been present at the scene, but the faith you had in him was strong. James Delaney would ever harm someone such as winter. However, You did not want this judgement to result from your biased opinion of him. Nevertheless, no shred of guilt remained.   
Why must this situation complicate even further, you just did not know. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As you sat down on the edge of the dock, you noticed it appeared to be spacious as you hoped it would be today.   
Your heart made itself clear. Hardened, caged and frozen. As much as you wished to let this all go you were clueless as to how. Been a few years since you lost someone dear, yet it felt recent. And just as you prayed to never lose another again, life disagreed.   
Bringing your legs together, you stared out into the distance, while staring in to a cherished memory.

 ** _(7 years ago)_**  
As busy as you were, carrying groceries and other goods back and forth for Mr. Farley, you instantly froze the moment you heard a familiar voice nearby.   
And the fact that sound was filled with tears broke your heart. Quietly moving closer, you saw winter sitting on the edge of your favorite dock.

The shoulders of the 6 year old shook furiously as she cried with her head bent down. And all you longed was to hold her.   
"Little one..." you whispered, slowly walking over to her,   
"Why the tears?" Your 21 year old   
self asked in earnest. Without alarm, the little girl looked up.   
"The others," she began, "...they ...they..they were teasing me" she struggled as the tears flowed.   
"Goodness..."' you replied, attempting to hide your heartbreak seeing one of your favorite people cry..."that is not nice at all." You inched closer to her, wrapping one arm around her shoulder "Why on earth do you think they are doing that?"  
Wiping her eyes, she sniffed,   
"They said I look ugly...that I look different"   
"Oh winter..." you said, reminded of the matter at hand. clearly it was worse back then "Alright..." you inhaled, "I need you to answer me one question"   
She nodded in agreement.   
"How do you think I look like?" You asked. Her eyes grew wide in surprise.   
"Come on...You can be honest" your eyes encouraged in return. Suddenly she broke in to a soft smile.   
"...You look beautiful" she whispered, "...like an Angel"   
Your heart simply did nothing but melt by her sincerity in the tone.   
"Oh sweet thing..." you said, stroking her head, "...well, so do you"   
She smiled further, and you knew you were going on the right track.   
"You know ...you and I ...we both look the same" you continued, "Does that mean i am ugly ?"   
Winter quickly shook her head.   
"No..." you said, "because for me...you are the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen" her eyes twinkled upon hearing your words "and you are going to grow up to be an even more beautiful and equally amazing lady"   
"Really?" Winter's enthusiasm became visible in her movements. You nodded.   
"I'm sure of it"   
You did not need to reach out for winter did it for you, as she came in for a tight embrace, her little hands wrapped around your neck.   
"Thank you Y/N...you really are my Angel"   
Warmth engulfed you whole, and you knew that all you could wish for was a   
better life for her.

 ** _(Present)_**  
Head bent down, you finally felt the tears come. You finally felt that stone cold heart melt away, revealing nothing but your vulnerability, as the sobs grew louder.

"Oh Winter..." you cried, "I...I...I'm so sorry..." shoulders shook as you held on the deck for you felt like your heart might throw up.   
She was gone. It was real. She really was gone.   
"I am so so sorry" your cries grew louder and you wished somewhere out there, Winter was listening. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A disappointed and unsuccessful George Chichester stepped out of the Delaney House, only to suddenly be interrupted by a young woman standing before him at the gate.

Surprised by her appearance, he remained in confusion as the young woman greeted him with sincere politeness he hardly ever received in all of England. Polite she was yes, yet her eyes were puffy and sad, along with her reddened cheeks.

As she passed him by to enter the house, his eyes followed her, wondering what on earth she must have to do with James Delaney. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The drawing room reeked of alcohol as you stepped in, James clearly being the guilty party, sitting back on the settee in a relaxed fashion. You sniffed, making your way over to him. "Just came across a gentleman outside..." you said, as you stood before him , "...hope he was no trouble" 

"George...Chichester" James drawled in his drunkenness, pointing at the door "...he has come offering a chance for redemption...for the... _sins_ " he said, the irony glazed tone quite clear. Confused, you sat beside him. "And what chance would that be?"You asked, leaning back. He turned to you. 

"Indicting the East India..." he said, taking a swig of brandy. Your eyes widened. Could it be the perfect opportunity? You did not know. "I only hope you do something useful with it" you replied. 

Chuckling with a hint of sarcasm, he looked forward. "You still do not think I killed her?" He inquired, "I _am_ a man capable of unspeakable things" You merely shook your head. "I refuse to believe that fact..." you said , " the fact that you were capable of hurting her" you continued, "I knew you were good to her...and she knew it as well" you said. As much as you hoped to sound more enthusiastic, you were too exhausted to try. Crying your heart out certainly does wear one out. And exhaustion leads you to impulse decisions. Which was evident the moment you snatched the bottle from Delaney's hand, surprising him.   
The moment the brandy touched your lips, your body warmed up. As if you were wrapped up with a blanket. But that blanket was heavy. Heavy enough that you almost lost balance. Unfazed, you took in another sip. And another. And another, until the bottle parted from your hand for James took it from you. 

"Forgive me..." you said, upon realizing your actions, "but you are not the only one in need of the comfort from a bottle today" you said with a chuckle, sniffing afterwards, closing your eyes with embarrassment. And there it was, your braver self. James hummed. 

"Am I to understand..." he began, as he put the bottle away, "that nothing else could comfort you today?" He said, eyes glued to you. Intoxicated, you did not beat around the bush. Leaning your head back, you eyes returned the favor. Fueled with no remorse, you surprised James as you inched closer, sinking down as you wrapped your arms around his waist, nestling against him, laying your head on his chest with no hesitation. 

"No..." you replied, " I was wrong. There was another..." you breathed as you looked up, stretching yourself. Daringly, you placed a soft kiss on his neck, savoring his musk whilst doing so. 

"I wish I was there to protect her James..." you whispered into his shirt, "I've been so selfish...I ...she deserved better" you sighed, sadness laced in your voice.   
The sudden moment you felt James' palm rest on your back in reciprocation, you held him tighter, as if you never wanted to let him go. 

"I lost many people in my life..." you breathed, "I do not wish to lose you too" 

You found yourself letting the truth slur out of you,feeling the beat of his heart oh so clearly, your head rising rising up and down with his chest.   
You had enough of death for too long. You longed for some peace of mind.   
Yet you've fallen for the devil, therefore could you really escape it? 

The heavy brandy blanket finally managed to force your eyes into drowsiness, slowly tempting you to close them. You would have moved, but his arms remained comforting, and he did not seem to mind. And as You drifted off, you wondered the chances as James' voice echoed in your ears: _  
_

_"The only comforting sight I have now...is you Y/N"_

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Stirring awake, those words echoed back to you. Sleepily you could not help but feel a thread of happiness in you, as you curled up. Except the hard surface of the settee made you realize James Delaney's absence. 

Fearful that he might have left, you sat up looking around frantically. A sigh of relief left you the moment you saw him standing by the fireplace. "How long..." you cleared your throat, "How long have I been out?" "An hour ...more or less" James spoke, fully dressed, he watched you wipe the sleep out of your face. 

You sensed an unpleasant feeling, or that could have been what he had projected. "...the East India" he began, "...apparently they are on the lookout for me..." 

Your heart did not hesitate to sink to a deep hole that suddenly appeared, and you felt when clutched your chest. Could this be the end?? The avalanche of failures? 

"Shit..." 

your own vernacular managed to come out as you stood up to walk towards him. It was not wise of you to act out, not act rash. You knew that well. 

"Just ...what must I do?" You asked. 

"In the attic..." James said, "there is a letter...follow the instructions..." you nodded, "And hopefully all works out?" You whispered. 

"It will..." he replied. 

" And you will go to America..." you said. 

" _We_ will go to America" 

You gasped, finally. "Really?" You asked, unable to believe it. 

"What?"

"I..." nervous, you felt your hands reach your sides, rubbing them, "You...we...I did not think... you would want that" you whispered. 

"Ahhh....but I did want that...." James replied, as you both slowly began walking towards the door, " I knew it the night you ended up at my door Y/N" 

Amidst the chaos, your cheeks were visited by blushes. Yet you did not know his feelings for you at depth. And why would you dwell on this? You knew why. "But..." you said, "we do not have a ship" 

"Not yet..but we will" Inhaling deeply, you nodded to yourself in encouragement. 

"Y/N..." he said, "I certainly have no intentions to make you come with me Truthfully, You may be the purest one of all of us, who has a chance of a better, safer life" 

All this, you dreaded hearing. For all you wanted was to be indispensable, to be useful, to be needed, by him. 

Giving you one last look, and a slight nod, James stepped out. Watching him walk way, leaving behind nothing but uncertainty, crushed you to the core. 

And it did not take long for your heart to shatter when the news of James Delaney being arrested spread around like wildfire. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"Brace! Brace" 

You felt suffocated, you dreaded to be alone at that moment. With James locked up, you called out to the only other occupant at the Delaney House.   
Surprisingly you found it quite difficult to find the man who seemed to be easiest to track. Fortunately, you caught the image of him the moment you opened the door to his room. 

"Where were you?" You panted, "They caug-"

You paused. For you finally realized, that you were looking at the Brace you have never seen before. The old man shivered, with tears flowing down his face.   
"My god..." you exclaimed with surprise, slowly approaching him, "Brace?" "Forgive me lass..." the old man begged, as he sat on his bed, legged folded. Appearing the weakest you've ever seen him. You were beyond confused. "Whatever do you mean?"

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_"... all that matters, is my loyalty to the Delaneys. And all that I do, will only be in their best interests"_

Those words that Brace uttered days ago remained crystal clear in your head. They rang in your ears louder than the clink of the plates and pots you washed. 

Which was a few minutes after you found Brace in his utmost vulnerable state, leading him to confess his dreaded secret.

Was it truly in Horace Delaney's best interest to be poisoned? Especially by someone of such loyalty? As shocked as you were of this latest development, you could not help but wonder how James reacted to this. And how you could not be there to comfort him.

_James. Oh James_

The suffocating feeling returned, forcing you to sink to the floor.

All seemed to crumble down, even without your involvement. And the shattered pieces of your heart were at the brink of burning to ashes for you knew there was nothing you could do to prevent anything.

And all hope seemed bleak right now. When you were given the liberty to make a choice, what would you do ?

**\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

**_(A Few days later)  
_ **

Unexpectedly, Stuart Strange's hands were certainly tied, therefore James Delaney's were not.   
Not anymore. 

Upon the conditions of silence and a ship, James was released. His plan was indeed in motion. Yet the pressures from the Crown were still present and at large, therefore, time was not to be wasted. The house was hauntingly silent as he entered. Given their last exchange of words, James was quite certain Brace would not be the same anymore. He could already imagine it, the old man huddled in a corner, dwelling on his mistakes without any forgiveness.   
Pacing around the drawing room, James wondered of someone other than Brace. The one he offered a choice to. Was the silence a reflection of that said choice? 

Footsteps grew louder outside, as the door bursted open, till finally he saw her gasp, standing there. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"You're...you're alive..." 

Yes, you stated the plain obvious, but it was inevitable as James stood there before you. 

"Yes" he replied.

You exhaled deeply with a smile of relief. Simple answer, yet it filled your heart enough. The heart that felt his presence nearby, the heart that urged you to run back home instead of walking. For it knew.   
For the mere thought of James Delaney being imprisoned and tortured almost destroyed you.   
"So..." James began, "...you staye-"

You did not hesitate to cut him off, with your body closing off the distance between the two, locking him in a tight embrace.

"James..." your voice breaking as you whispered to his ear, "I would rather get killed _being with you..._ and it _still_ would have been a life worth living"Looking at him, your fingers ran across his face, delicately tracing the fresh scars, "So yes..." you continued, "...i stayed. I've made my choice" 

Indeed you did. Ever since the last time you laid eyes on him, you never rested either. You did all that you could to help. Every task you set out to do, you did it with purpose. You proved James' innocence in Winter's murder. You secured the document from Countess Musgrove, claiming safe passage to America, you did all that you could. 

You were given the power to choose . So you certainly did make your choice.   
James' gloved hand reached up, holding yours. "Good..." he said,"...because we need to leave... _now"_

As he gave your hand a firm squeeze, you felt a force being infected when you watched him walk out. Following your compass that was James Delaney, you took in a deep breath. A deep breath of hope. The hope that filled you with all the bravery and strength you've gathered throughout this decade. Preparing you as you set off to the docks, weathering possible showers of gunfire and obstacles, vowing to make it out alive, for your freedom, for him.   
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Epilogue**

_"James"_

The chilling voice lingered in his ears, piercing through the roaring winds and the rustling of the leaves that held on to the trees.

Eyes closed shut, James Delaney remained calm, relishing the cool waters that surrounded his bare figure in the lake.

_"James"_

Bubbles erupted furiously, until the person he had waited for appeared before him, as always.

It was the woman. His woman.

Droplets of cool water dripped down your naked figure, as you wore an expression which could not be described as either playful nor concerned nor upset.

For the first time, you appeared happy, full of sincerity. And he witnessed it, shining through your eyes.

_"You did it..."_

you said.

_"Hmmm"_

You chucked by his response,

_"You did what you had set off to do, challenges aside"_

Taking a deep breath, a part of you finally decided to unveil itself.

_"I may sound foolish, James..."_

you said, swimming towards him,

_"...but I had no regrets...making the choice, following you"_

You knew why. You knew why you said it. Deep in the corners of your heart, you knew what you felt for James Delaney. He may have asked you to join him. Yet, how were you to really know how he saw you? You strongly wished that he made it clear.

_"Y/N, I had sworn to do terrible things..."_

he said,

_"with all that I have seen, and done, A man such as myself... do not deserve of anything close to love"_

You felt your heart inside you grow heavy.

_"But...I do not feel that with you..."_

he said. Your eyes widened with surprise. Even more so as his gaze locked on you.

 _"Y/N..."_ he began " _I am afraid that I have fallen for you..."_

A gasp left your lips. Could it be that your strong wish was finally heard?

 _"You have taken prisoner of this heart."_ Gentleness had caressed his voice, _"And I now a happy and willing captiv-"_

Pausing, James' eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

" _Y/N...what is the matter?"_

His confusion seemed valid, especially when tears flowed down your face. Only you knew how unbelievable all this sounded.

 _"I am afraid..."_ you began, _"that I am guilty of the same"_

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you looked in to those eyes you adored. Your _Blue._

_"I have no greed for any power, you know I do not actively seek it. But surely The only greed i will ever be craving for, is to live my life...with the freedom I never had for past 10 years...and hopefully with you...close by. Extremely close by"_

you said, your voice growing softer by the end. You heard him inhale deeply. An opportunity presented itself before you, so you did not hesitate to take a hold of it, grab it by the reins.

_"Every inch of my body..."_

you said, grabbing his hand, gingerly placing it on your chest "

_My heart...my soul...My past...my present...my future...all of them ...are yours"_

Leaning closer, your lips almost brushed against his very own.

_"You've found me James"_

you whispered, breathing unison,

_"...please do not let me go"_

Latching onto your lips, James kissed you with much awaited fervor that satisfied you. Bodies tightly pressed against one another, you melted in him, tasting heaven through the lips of the devil.

The devil you loved with all your heart.

And suddenly, you heard ocean waves. Crashing waves. Soothing yet strong.

Fluttering your eyes open, you saw everyone.

Curled up next to each other in the ship's quarters, the surviving group of Delaney's Company slept as the ship sailed through the first night,carrying it further and further away from England.

Turning your head to the side, you saw him. Sitting next to you, leaning his head against the wall, you saw James slightly open his eyes to look at yours. Sleepily, you ran your fingers down his cheek, possibly the only form of affection you could be at liberty to show in such a confined vessel. Yet you showed it with much love in your heart, drifting back into slumber as he joined in as well. And as you both slept, you were free to converse of almost anything and everything, free to discover, free to make love and sustain it endlessly, for you may be amongst a crowd in a ship sailing to the Americas, but you and him can always be together, and no one will know it.

Regrets you had none, for you were grateful in every possible way. Grateful for the leap through time that led you here. Grateful for the infinite number of failures that led you to him.

And grateful for the dreams that connected your consciousness with his very own, leading to acquaintance, respect, trust, love and companionship.

 

**~THE END~**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Can’t believe it’s done. A special thank you for everyone who followed this story,and anyone who took their time to check this out. This was my first ever series that I started and completed, and I learnt and experienced so much while I wrote this. Hope to return with another Series soon.
> 
> Thank you again very much! xoxoxo


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